Hmm, I missed the sign up for this particular contest and definitely would not have won, but allow me to tell you about a very special Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

La Russa will introduce Pujols, who will then be sacrificed in the Lincoln Memorial's lap by Lou Dobbs in order to gain Sarah Palin favor from mighty Quetzlcoatl during the 2012 election run.

Anyone else willing to bet that the last names on those jerseys also double as those kids first names? The kid on the left is definitely white and douchey enough to be a Rider.

@Peteski: Sweet Christ, their so big the only appropriate course of action I can think to take would be to headbutt her right in the titties. Which is probably how Tebow stays holy.

@AzureTexan: She loves to skank along with the upbeat strumpet scores of Reel Big Fish. And of course, she has plenty of admiration for their tromboner.

She's just following the 6 steps of famous people grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Public Irrelevance, Interview With People Magazine, Acceptance.

@Steve U: They fear repercussions from all-seeing soccer sorceror Paul the Psychic Octopus after Mahmoud trashed him in the media last month.

They can jump so high 'cuz of all them years practicing trying to jump over the Great Wall of China.

"[Sosa] made us all look like fools for a few years, and in the end we realized what a fraud he was. I don’t put him in the Hall of Fame, and I don’t retire his jersey as a Cub. I feel cheated."

@UweBollocks: This is much better than Abbott and Costello's "Who's on first?" bit.

@Daveinva: Wouldn't that be a hard-tissue condition?

Greater display of impotency: the Cubs 102-year championship drought or Rick Pitino's court documented sexcapades?

"Good, good. Once they are torn with in-fighting, we shall recapture those traitorous Texans."

It's ridiculous that the FBI would pursue a civil rights investigation against Bear Bryant. Nobody from Alabama could ever be a racist.

@Jefferson Short Bus: Bravo good sir.

@VeeKaChu: I'm partial to "Dykstra has all the money," or "I'm gonna get them with my cashmere, bro." But you can't go wrong when quoting the Dyk.

That's out of bounds.

LeBron's not immature, he's just trying to recreate life as it was in high school, only with money.

The McCourt court hearing is brought to you by McDonald's.

@WhatWouldTebowDo?: I hear they also hired Bobby and John F. Kennedy impersonators to come in and double team you, whether you like it or not.