@EdHardyMustBeDestroyed: My first thought was never have I wanted to beat the shit out of a person so badly based solely on attire. My second was to contemplate how I could accomplish this. My third was why the hell is that bitch wearing a breathing strip?

@DAULERIO: A friend saw me on this site and asked what it was about. In the future, this is the quote I will use to answer that question.

Dodger's contract negotiations with Andre Ethier stalled today, with the Dodgers apparently unwilling or unable to meet Ethier's demand for the Mad Hatter's hat.

Is Karen Sypher dumber than a sack of hammers? We'll never know, the highly anticipated debate ended with her blowing the sack of hammers.

Lawyer: Your Honor I move for a mistrial on the grounds that the defendant is currently blowing you.

@AzureTexan: Don't take it too hard, I always thought the Jeff Hornacek was wildly underrated as both a basketball player and a lover.

"grow up for once n have sum ballz like me, cuz if i swing itz for the fences."

Connors threw down the gauntlet, challenging the journeyman pitcher "to walk down a runway in high heels"

Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me out. You see I'm doing a ventriloquist act and have lost my puppet. Would you mind if I stuck my hand up your ass and told knock-knock jokes?

I think he's wearing the eight layers of clothes because he's homeless. That and he's from Sandusky.

@JanetRenoManchild: Don't forget a Smirnoff in the back pocket! Ice Shield Bro!

@Murphys_Flunkies: The world's smallest lightsaber looks a lot a like a Motorola Razor, which would be an OK, but not great, nickname for Mark Hammill's penis.

Oompa Loompa Doompity Duarterback

@DamnThoseHandsomeDevils: That'd explain Isaiah Thomas's suicide bombing of the franchise.

@vodkanaut: Will said homophobic/racist statement be followed up by a blowjob from Karen Sypher? History suggests it will.

Pope Benedict fondly remembers his days as a youth cheering for the all-white team.

I like how the story of every male encounter with Karen Sypher ended with "he then received oral sex."

@DaveWannstache: LeBron's entourage was a veritable Who's Now? in the sport of basketball and it was quite ColinCowherdIsAFuckingShithead to read about their time together.

"He stops every few feet to shoot a jump shot, his right hand

@Hatey McLife: Actually it was just an old tube of his mom's vagisil.