A: 3 Thai transvestites, a wooden paddle, and what appears to be a horrendously depressed white man.

This bears an uncanny resemblance to Fleshbot's description of America's favorite pornstars.

Barack Obama thinks Hugo Chavez isn't too much of a communist.

@sukkerpunch: As a doctor, I feel it is my duty to inform you that you now almost certainly have AIDS.

@Tom Gugliotta's Delicious Frittatas: Damn you editing button for not working! I have grammar errors to fix, lest I be judged by the deadspin community.

Details: So you're going to go the rest of your life without eating a candy bar?

Jon Heyman laments the lack of fundamentals in today's anal fisting.

"As soon as I heard it was West Ham I thought, we've got to really give it to them."

@MattinglysSideburns: Hydwation is key.

"Cristiano Ronaldo is still the biggest soccer playing pussy I've ever seen."

"There were literally no other competitive contests in the universe last night."

Lenard Little remains unimpressed.

@sukkerpunch:

Don Mattingly will grow a mullet/goatee combo in his honor.

"And really, farting is all I have left."

I prefer the "Your mom is still a whore shirt." I don't like having to explain things.

They would've kissed Indianapolis if they could've been bothered to stop eating fried mayonnaise for the 54 seconds owner Herbert Simon needs to reach a climax. Alas, he is a busy man and had to attend a yacht race/manatee hunting expedition.

Slave references and people shitting all over Ohio? What is this, University of Miami's Alpha Xi Delta formal?

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Woody Allen's penis begs to differ.

Jemelle Hill thinks defending LeBron James is like cheering for Hitler.