I'm going to get soooooooo mad and start defending my team so hard you'll see the spittle flying out of my mouth and land on my Aaron Rodgers jersey even though neither of us are using a web cam.

Why don't you come to Eden Prairie or Edina and rip the Vikes like that, Drew? You know what will happen. We'll smile and then talk behind your back about how we hate you.

The Vikings are the heroin of the NFL, and being a Vikings fan is a bit like being Ewan McGregor’s character in Trainspotting. You want to kick the habit, but things just keep getting in the way. Sure, a 15-1 season feels good for awhile, but then a dead baby shows up and misses the game winning field goal in the…

6. ONLY THE GOALIES CAN TOUCH THE BALL WITH THEIR HANDS

+ fucking 1

[Frowns]

So if you work your entire life to complete in an event and want to bring your same sex partner with you to experience the OLYMPICS, you have to pretend that they are actually your platonic best friend in order to not get arrested. That seems reasonable.

Just wait until Qatar 2022.

"what, exactly, is homosexual propaganda?"

Careful with that strawman, he looks pretty fragile.

Peterson: Okay, you see the seams on the ball? If you want to be a good quarterback, you want to line your fingers up with them and throw the ball far while also keeping the ball from getting too wobbly in the air. It's tough since the ball is so big, but a tight spiral is key. Now...

Soldier: (to self, in preparation) "All right, just one dunk, that's all I need. One good dunk. One dunk will do it, for America. Let's do this shit!"

I'm not arguing that we treat them like pros. I'm arguing that we simply treat them like any other free citizen in this country by allowing them to freely pursue their own commercial pursuits on their own time. Johnny Manziel doing a shoe commercial doesn't affect league competition, therefore the league has no…

That's weird. I was under the impression all this time that Nader was a consumer advocate.

Joey's Want List:

Wow, Chris Brown is gonna be hella disappointed when he finds out beating cancer isn't what he thinks it is.

If this woman was a potential hurdle to Lolo's success as a bobsledder, I'm sure she hit her.

I can tell you didn't happen when Daugherty went to bed: Fucking.

Is winning really that important?

I don't know what she was worried about. Everyone knows Jordan struggled to even get to first base.