Mobile DS DUAN,

Hello. Here are things to read to help you along the way.

College football DUAN,

Ah, fuck. Didn't even see that.

...and this is what happens when you try to raise dolphins in the Love Canal.

The tattoo didn't hurt so much, but the Japanese harpoon that pierced it minutes later stung like hell.

This is nothing new. They also said the same thing about LeBron when he passed it to Donyell Marshall instead of taking the shot during the '07 ECF.

At least in Vegas they'll be watched by the same fans as they have now: retirees and degenerate gamblers.

As an added bonus, you'll be frequently mistaken for a stripper or a hooker with those platinum extensions.

BREAKING: Superficial Area Woman Now Able to Have Superficial Sex With Superficial Men After Having Superficial Cosmestic Addition

I believe he always tried to help me."

What's most surprising is that McShay was accurate for more than 50% about anything at one point in his life.

It's just a sad statement on our culture when you think about it. I can't believe denim vests were once considered cool.

Give Skip Oliva credit, he was still coherent enough in between consecutive readings of Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead to pound out an email.

Meanwhile, the final ruling of the Reggie Williams investigation resulted in the Jags being stripped of their 2004 first round draft pick.

In all fairness, Domingo was their fallback. Originally, the council was to be just Andrea Bocelli, Marlee Matlin, and Henry Kissinger and be called "Three Wise Monkeys."

I thought that was a countdown for when Matthew Lesko's latest book hits shelves.

Poor Natasha. Little did she know that having a torrid love affair with her brother-in-law would lead her down a slippery slope. Sure, she thought everything's fine at first, but then you always reach that point from which there's no recovering.

Welp, looks like I opened Pandora's Box.

We had an age thread? Huh, if we could guess ages and appearances that'd be pretty good. I do sometimes wonder what folks envision my age or looks to be like.