This is contrasted with American soccer, which allows exceptions to those players with shrapnel stuck in their body, and is tentatively named the Davies Rule.

'Night Nurses from Jersey'

Michael Bradley is the king of trying to kick the ball upfield, only to have it cut out by the defenders.

I missed it since my dad gets the remote today and he is choosing to watch the US Open and IndyCar.

His greatest asset is his last name, which has the potential for big points in Scrabble.

These guys may have pitched a one-hitter, but Cory Lidle still has better fantasy value.

Prior to last season, every Denver Broncos apron came with a foreskin.

You guys played nine innings in high school? Good lord, I feel bad for your parents and whomever else sat around for four hours watching bad baseball.

Poor New Orleans. They didn't even know what the Picayune was, let alone did they know to throw it first.

I was a baseball player who did drugs and was in the band. So I sat with the soccer players, who did drugs and were in band.

Nice.

If you like Slaughterhouse Five and want to stick with Vonnegut, go with Breakfast of Champions.

Good lord, he was filthy tonight. I almost felt bad for the Indians players.

That's disgusting. He also didn't care if he starred in movies that were historically inaccurate. But! I would still sleep with Nicole Narain though, even if she told me not to wear a rubber.

His sex tape is hilarious and really raises my self-esteem.

More importantly, here's hoping the driver of the car is ok.

I've always like Colin Farrell's. The girl in it, a Playboy model, is insanely sexy.

This is much more cheerful than the time the Kansas City Royals hosted a Zack Greinke Replica Mood Ring Giveaway.

"There were crayons involved."

There was a movement during the 1930s where pitchers quit pitching to contact and instead focused on deceiving hitters to get them out. Mary Johnson remembers the movement vividly and still pledges her support for the Third [St]reich.