Guy looks like he marks his spot with the severed heads of the last guys who took his spot, on stakes.

You expect a man to pay a billion dollars for a toy and not play with it? Yes, Haslam is an idiot when it comes to football sense, a bad person, a megalomaniac, and a divisive person with an empty pit for a soul, but not Haslam really has no idea he's all these things. He's rich! He learned football the Rooney way! He…

I like it, but maybe Smokey and Hooch?

<scanner> reports of excessive noise in the 1800 block of Euclid avenue

They should make a buddy cop show with Gordon and Manziel set in Cleveland. I'd watch the shit out of that.

Horrible man in luxury box throws racial slurs at Native Americans?

Am I the only one who thinks this is flimsy? The only thing he affirmatively agreed to was "you want me to dress up?" which isn't a crime, unless I suggest it to my wife in which case she says "you don't like what I'm wearing? What's wrong with what I'm wearing? Does it make me look fat? Why do you hate me?". So…

Well, I was actually thinking Colonel Mustard in the Billiard Room with the lead pipe, but now that you mention it, Chad Ford does seem to be a better choice...

Precisely. The scenario that has Ford not knowing it was being done before it was done is so improbable 9-11 truthers would snicker at the ridiculousness of it.

This is absolutely true and I certainly wouldn't put it past the louts at ESPiN to do this. However, and this is important, would they do this unilaterally without consulting Ford? Ford would go through his past rankings (which I'm sure he does occasionally), see they were changed, and potentially throw a fit, which…

Who did it?

terrible brackets all around. This is a total sham.

Good Lord...

The penguins the proceeded to beat the Astros 15-2 in an exhibition baseball match.

and, in a weird coincidence, for at least a full half of football, Russell Wilson puked all over an American football field, and still won.

The Nats should Frankenstein together Max Sherzer and Doug Fister into a single unstoppable pitcher/adult movie star named Max Fister.

Johnny Catziel was unavailable because he had too much catnip last night.

Today's headline: Super Bowles

Wow, that makes him look like a real horse's ass.

Exactly. On that note, give me a warm bidet instead of TP and I'll consider toothpaste, but that still has challenges. No way I'm using the bidet at Denny's. No fucking way.