How come jeans girl is the only one who doesn't look like they've been cut in half and displaced at the waterline? Why are the laws of physics different for her? Was she even really there?

Yeah, pretty much what you said. The justice system is usually pretty forgiving overall, there's really nothing to see here other than the "keeping it off the docket" stuff.

You know, if you've never had a few drinks with a proctologist, you've missed out on a lot in life. There are apparently many guys who do have a dong like a pork tenderloin, which must be as frightening and humbling for the doctor as it is amusing and awe-inspiring.

28,781,231: Wheels on the bus

After the game they used his head to highlight all the plays that didn't work.

I need your take on the Denver Airport. Seriously, those murals are creepy as fuck

All an innocent mistake. Spillman was providing services as a therapist. Dallas county sheriff Sean Connery just misread the report, and now it's a big ol mess.

All I know is when Josh Gordon retires I want to be at that party because he is going to smoke the fuck out of like a bale of weed. This bullshit "rehab" on a problem that isn't a problem is simply laughable and insulting to Gordon.

@JoeyBats19 follows me on twitter! I feel so special!

The Mets were a big cluster luck this year? Not surprising

Is that Mummenschanz?

I hope Landry's okay after he recovers from all those bee stings.

not cool of Jets fans to hound him like that. Talk about being thrown to the dogs! Also, Mike Vick had a thing with dogfighting once I think.

He went out the way he deserved? You mean he had to eat Hank Steinbrenner's ass and then get an insulting cheap gift basket as he was pushed into a cab? I must have missed that part of the game...

You know Hunter, it is generally considered poor form in a literary sense to continue to use the same words throughout a passage, unless they are a metaphor of sort.

"Mets on the brink of a full season without randomly giving me $1 million"

The funny thing is the NFL has violated literally all of these just this week in one shape or form. Working theory: Roger Goodell is Satan.

If Trent Reznor was of African descent, could you still describe him as "dark"?

it's only a matter of time before CrossFit goes the way of Scientology and becomes an actual religion for it's brainwashed masses.

Out of curiosity, how would you categorize Tiger Woods in this graph?