It’s a satirical example of some of the missed connections I’ve read before. Please don’t hate me.

Well that sound less like being mistaken for flirting and more like, “Oh shit, this person is nice to me, so I should stay around them and I’ll always have someone who’s nice to me.”

I will support your cause with my ongoing lack of interest in all things reality TV.

It wasn’t uncommon for a customer to mistake kindness and helpfulness as flirting at TJ’s. But I imagine that is likely the case at almost any retail store. I will give you this piece of advice though, should you ever decide to raise that self-esteem a bit: Be personable when you interact with her. Don’t be that guy…

If only I had any qualifications whatsoever! Curses!

During my 4 1/2 years at Trader Joe’s, all my sick days got used by my kids. My son would get pink eye and they’d tell me, “You better not come in.”

I used to work at a Trader Joe’s, and once a month I would scan the missed connections for anything including Trader Joe’s. Then I would tease whichever coworker I found something written about. I was bad like that.

Attn: Exchanged hands on cheeks on the L train

Geez, pinkie rings are just getting out of control.

“Working as fast and feverishly as possible”

Science wants us all to have cleaner butts. We shouldn't fight progress.

I'm out and about on my phone right now so I don't have the link easily available. But if you look at my other replies in this thread, I put up a link for the one I have in a couple of them.

You can’t see it under the blanket, but she’s dressed entirely in diamonds from the collarbone down.

Augh! Highschool flashbacks!

Synced up in the universe. About 20 minutes ago I was chasing my boys through the house and a door handle caught the back of my shirt and put me on my ass.

What every chill stoner needs? A bidet. But let’s face it, all of your money is going to weed, so you can’t afford to put one in your bathroom next to your toilet. So what do you do? You replace your toilet seat with a bidet seat. When you’re stoned, you probably aren’t investing that much effort into having a clean…

As I understand it, it’s a hard thing to transition back from.

If I were allowed to use the word asshole in a completely literal sense, that would be the best job ever.

You’re my best friend for today.

Seven Bridesmaids for Four Brothers and Three Friends ends up being a less interesting musical.