My aunt told me this story. One day she was in the kitchen when my cousin, then a small child, was playing in the bedroom. Suddenly she heard a big crash followed by crying. She rushed to the bedroom thinking that at least if he was crying, he was conscious. In the bedroom, she found that he had tried to climb up a…

For neck and shoulders, I sleep with a heating pad on my pillow. I find my heating pad good for pain, and, if put on my abdomen, somehow emotionally comforting.  My brother has a lot of joint aches and swears by the Master Cleanse, which he does once a year.

Why not sign up for one of those meal plans, like Blue Apron, or whatever the Canadian equivalent is? They send you a box of fresh ingredients and show you how to cook the meal.  A month or two of that and you will not only have the experience of eating well, but you will have some new recipes, too.

I totally misinterpreted the headline. I thought it was like in the old days buying porn, when I would pick up a “Daily News, Time, oh, and a Screw Magazine,” as if it was an unimportant afterthought, and not the reason I went to the newsstand in the first place.

They named their kid Everleigh.  That’s a prank of a lifetime.

And speaking of weird names, what exactly do they call Bristol for short?  Briss?

Leaf Phoenix doesn’t work.  Say it, and it sounds like his name is Lee.

I think Marvin Gaye was without a doubt one of the great tunesmiths of the 20th century.  But if you really listen to his lyrics -- what an asshole!  It’s not surprising that he died the way he did.

I believe that hairstyle is called a Chav Facelift.

Because her head hurts.

So true! I pushed myself to get about 40 pages into that piece of drivel because I received it from a friend. Haaated her and her obvious, self-serving “insights.”  I might have stuck with it if the title had been Eat, Get Sick and Die.

I do not own a penis, yet I receive emails about products to help me with my insufficient size and erectile dysfunction. I’m 5'5", 112 lbs, yet I receive emails and targeted ads touting undergarments for the morbidly obese. Somebody, somewhere must be talking smack about me.

Get some Calahist lotion (the store brand at Walgreens) or something similar. It’s a combo of calamine and promoxine.  Calms the skin and get rid of a lot of the itch.

He can change his face the same way his sister and stepmother did.  Plastic surgery.

My dream of how Dump leaves office is that one night, when he is awake and alone walking around the White House (maybe on his way to the fridge for a snack) he trips and falls on a marble floor, catching his huge girth with his hands, which makes both wrists snap like twigs — rendering him unable to play golf or do…

At first glance I thought this was about dating Refrigerator Perry, who, last I read, is now a 430 pound alcoholic.  And he’s single, ladies!

I was pretty judgy about food hangups back in my dating days. Nothing spicy? Not a real man. Unwilling to even taste something? Sign of sexual hang-ups. What someone is willing to eat is a pretty good sign of what they are willing to put in their mouth.

You really think these idiots are going to pay that bill? They will default on the bill, the hospital will end up having to make up the cost by cutting back on services, less staff, not replacing equipment, etc. Insurance rates will reflect this on everyone else’s bill. The parents will declare bankruptcy and start…

Even if there are good lesson plans, a big part of schooling is the social component, which those kids miss. I’ve never met a homeschooled kid who wasn’t at least somewhat f*cked up.

Maybe someone else will benefit from today’s little discovery, so I hope I’m not lost in the grey. My nice wool sweater had a black grease and charcoal stain (aggressive barbecuing), right on the chest, and it wouldn’t come out with soap or Shout. But I got it out with micellar water! Who knew? Never liked the…