Mickey Mantle used to call that a pretty good season.

Thank you. I was drawing a complete blank on where I knew that face from.

Either way the point stands. After all the shit he's been through, he still can't handle keeping his mouth shut for half a game. No self awareness at all.

I know a lot of people, including some self described Serious Barbecue Dipshits, who think "fall off the bone!!1!" is a good thing. How do I explain they are wrong without offending them?

I was hoping for Sugartits.

He's got his daddy's boobs.

Unless he's also prepared to apologize for this, I don't want to hear it.

I didn't know Greg Oden was attempting a baseball career.

Hell, I'm used to watching plenty of meaningful games and that was about as bizarre as it gets. The Walker catch and Marte drop kind of cancelled each other out. McCutchen not going on contact was the biggest play of the game, other than Holliday's injury causing the complete managerial clusterfuck.

Handler: Golden retriever, eh? Well, you're not getting another treat until you bring me back one of those golden hurricanes everyone is always talking about.

His other arm says "I will fight every nigger hear."

He lost $10K, but it still ended better than the last time he took a stab at something other than basketball.

The Gator Chomp is actually sign language for "snitches get stitches".

Chris Perez was just spotted loading a U-Haul.

"We hashed everything out. We handled everything like adults. I didn't even have to call him Glenn once."

Are we sure that this isn't just another convoluted televangelist scam?

This would be the whitest summer Olympics since 1936.

Peter Gammons was invited but somehow ended up in Indiana.

Somewhere, Maria Sharapova awkwardly attempts to Crip Walk, breaks her ankle, blames it on the wet grass.

"Macklemore says R. Kelly's sheets smell like piss, but MY sheets smell like R. Kelly's asshole!"