Stick to sports-related heckling.

I laughed because I could see my own mom sending me that exact text string verbatim.

Missouri sucks overall for sure, but KC is a legit place to live. At a minimum the downtown area and cheap eats are wayyyy better than any other medium sized city I’ve visited. STL and everything else is a wasteland.

Shaq is coming to KC to put on some sort of live DJ show. Dude’s got half a billion dollars but still chases 10K. He must just love being around people, I guess.

These stories always depress me because I know someone is probably making more money than me to fuck up the most basic things. 

You joke, but it is kind of incredible to me that Lebron doesn’t have enough juice with Nike to make this happen.

That stretch of road made me play a CD for the first time in at least 5 years.

You’re forgetting the “abortion is murder” signs and the wind power thingies. That’s about it.

Not today, Satan(s).

I’d imagine the thinking goes “either I win the fight and have bragging rights forever, or I sue the rich guy”.

Kobe’s stance on this is 100% informed by his well known affinity for Coach K/Duke. Any other school and he’d agree with you. 

“Let’s see if we can beat Tom Brady by not blitzing at all.”

That full speed dribble move he made on the Alabama dunk was unreal.

The eventual poop produced from eating pure shit is known as turdurkin.

Loogit the scrappy white guy Makin’ Baseball Great Again.

Shouldn’t that first one have been a continuation and-one, or have I not watched enough NBA basketball lately?

I’m going to need to know what party’s candidates he donated to before I can decide if he can do the job.

He blew the play dead the split second the defender made contact. If that’s “forward progress” then no fumble would ever count.

The most pathetic part is thinking he could buy someone’s silence with $300.