Blecccccchhhhhh. Dane Cook.

Oh don't be sanctimonious with your first two sentences.

When I was 8 or 9, I stood on a chair and yelled at my hebrew school principal for a while because he insisted that "animals don't have souls."

Hey now. That guy obviously knows what he's talking about because he's watched a few episodes of The Dog Whisperer.

Food for thought: Things might get a lot less muddy when we accept that we humans ARE animals, a species of animal. It's not so much that other species are like us. It's perhaps more true to say that we're not so very different from them.

I'm pretty certain Bristol didn't write a memoir either.

yes, because the debate over whether emotions are biological or socially/culturally constructed is solved and we now humans are the only ones who experience "true" emotions. good comment.

The more research is done, the clearer it becomes that animals experience emotions. Pretending otherwise is just something we do to rationalize abusing and exploiting them.

I'd place more trust in Koko to have genuine empathy than I do most of the primates I encounter on the Internet.

Assumably, YOUR mother isn't trying to pimp YOU out as an "abstinence-only expert" at $15,000 to $30,000 per speech.

I get pretty offended when anyone suggests that having a discussion over whether something is humane is worthwhile. It is ALWAYS worthwhile to explore whether something is or is not humane. They are talking about something that might have brought an animal, an emotional creature, distress and whether it could or…

Mine would feature a chapter titled, "1995-1998: Having a Totally Unrequited Crush on a Boy with a Perm and Frosted Tips" featuring sub-headings like "making your friends dare him to kiss you, attempting not to die when he outright refuses" and "writing that you love him in your diary every other day will not make him…

I'm not sure why that shields Bristol's terrible memoir from criticism. I'd also willingly make dreadful art if enough money were offered. That doesn't mean other people aren't free to revile it and compare it to better art.

Yeah, you should definitely tell the professional dog trainer, who professionally solved a very real problem for a paying customer, that they are doing their job wrong.

Honey, I've taught dog training for 5 years and have many many books on the subject, including anthropomorphizing. In fact, part of the training I teach includes that so people understand that dogs don't "know" what they did was wrong and aren't acting "guilty.". This is just a story that I think captures the spirit…

'The ultimate punishment for murder is the stress that comes from murdering someone.'

Agreed. I prefer to do my fucking as Johnson Hardcastle.

Oh my gosh, I hate DC so much for that. I have a bunch of friends who currently live in DC and try to tell me how great it is, but I just cannot get into it as a city. Too many 1. bros and 2. self-important people who want to talk politics with you, a stranger (here "talk politics" means "completely ignore…

The military does not fuck around when it comes to drug offenses. I wish they would have the stones to apply a similar zero tolerance policy when it comes to sexual assault.