HOW IS THIS THE FIRST I'M HEARING OF BEN AFFLECK'S PENIS? All headlines about this movie should have been "SOMETHING ABOUT 'GONE GIRL' and Oh, yeah, BEN AFFLECK'S PENIS IS IN THIS."

"showed up to class "high on weed" and was caught cheating on a test."

I used to irrationally hate on Anne, then one day I decided to stop. I can now say with pride that I no longer hate Anne Hathaway and will continue to support her clothing choices and haircut however heinous they are.

And that was just a wizz palace. This is a whole Wiz Khalifa.

I will hate TLC forever for giving these people a platform to spew their bullshit everywhere.

"pre-born"

It's like they're working for Jon Stewart as content creators.

Maybe ESPN's next special will be "Women Explain What it Feels Like to Get Kicked In the Balls".

Men?

Well, yeah, you can't let women discuss women's issues on T.V., they'll just get all emotional and stuff. Best leave it to the men, ya know, because they're far less likely to be victims of domestic violence and thus more able to offer a rational, objective view point. Of course if something is highly likely to happen…

I would like to see Aaliyah's story told by somebody but Lifetime's not that somebody.

If only he had been escorted down the aisle by Mrs Garrett

I truly believe he married up.

Did he only pack one pair of shoes?

Yeah, I find I'm totally ok with this. That kind of money is just so far beyond my reality, I can't even wrap my brain around it. But at least she / her party left a good tip. Had they stiffed on the gratuity, I'd be first in line to grab a pitchfork.

Attention bad tippers: Paris Hilton is now a better person than you are. BOOM.

If you think that is bad, just wait till you see more of his eyebrows.

He has achieved international attention. He has probably combusted from pure joy this morning.

I used to post his swimsuit pics on Twitter and then I got told by followers to stop.

But god-for-fucking-bid anyone sees the tiniest hint of lady nipple.