Every time I try watch something like The Today Show, I'm greeted by Matt Lauer asking assholes stupid questions. Not a great way to start the day.

Fudge is a fucking American folk art and she has DESECRATED IT.

I love how everyone on her facebook page says they have been praying for her. Yes, because before ending war, famine and poverty, god needs to right all the wrongs done to paula deen.

How dare you speak their names in the same breath. Three withering Martha glares for you, my friend.

Hhaha, exactly. A third, weird and weaker one, just like the Holy Ghost.

Is it me and my computer or is the preacher standing in a pillar of fire/light?

A good looking "cool" pastor is how I got stuck in a Christian cult for 1.5 years. Its a trap!

He needs a third testicle implant to show his commitment. Do it, pastor. Do it for Jesus.

There is nothing in her behavior that shows any sort of actual remorse.

OMG! like cool pastors aren't attracted by fame enough already!!!

I'm still not sure what an Iggy Azalea is, though I'm pretty sure it involves a burning sensation while urinating. And as far as this story goes I'm not surprised she made that statement. I know plenty of women who watch the NFL even after I exclusively pointed them to several articles on Jez about what that says…

A few years ago, before all this happened, I made her basic pound cake recipe. It used more vegetable shortening than butter. And, while very pretty, tasted like shit. I feel like that experience is representative of her as a human being.

As a former fan, I won't be going back. Paula Deen is permanently curdled, in my estimation.

I don't even want to know what Velveeta tastes like, let alone fudge-encased Velveeta. That shit should not be allowed. NOT IN MY AMERICA. (I don't live in America, but please allow me to speak for it if only in this one instance.)

"And I saw that my website had grown to over four and a half million people," she said, referring to her popular Facebook page. "That was staggering to me, that my website had actually grown rather than decreasing."

She ain't sorry. She's mad it happened to her.

As long as I have Martha, I have no need for Paula. But, butter? Butter can always stay.

Seasons 1-10 only, I hope.

I have 4 kids and ergo am an expert on every damn thing. So here's what you do:

SAY NO. Say it all the time Say it a lot. Nooooooooooo.

The other day, my toddler asked to watch "the Homer cartoon". I've never been so proud.