For a long time, I wasn't even sure Ed Sheeran was a real person.

Maybe Taylor Swift will use her newly found powers of feminism to teach Sheeran what's up.

Look, I'm a huge Ed Sheeran fan, I love his music and normally he seems like a great guy, but I'm baffled by those comments of his. A good portion of the "Sing" video, for which he just won Best Male Video of the Year, TAKES PLACE IN A STRIP CLUB. Is it somehow not cool for Miley but okay for the girls in his…

Not that I am down with the paternalistic stuff Sheeran said, but come on: Ed Sheeran's an asshole while creepy Terry Richardson (who directed you in Wrecking Ball) ISN'T? Whatever, Miley. Pfft.

It is also often uttered by people who have no children and generally have no idea what they are even talking about.

It's amazing that in less than 200 years America has gone from "blacks aren't people" to "okay blacks are kind of people" to "yeah, we get it, they're people but we're still going to treat 'em like shit" to "ugh leave us alone, they're treated like shit but we're pretending they're not" to "fuck it, corporations are…

And not 100 feet from my Baltimore office, located right in the heart of Mt. Vernon, is a statue of Roger B. Fuckstick Taney. Because he was a MD state rep or something. Fuck.

"All my life's work! O Jesus, my life's work!!"

"... And a serial batterer of women."

I felt like I was watching the groundskeeper version of NFL Films Presents.

I disagree with your thesis, Drew.

"It's Purdue with nicer helmets"

I don't know if its the case with MM, but in Texas if you see someone with a fanny pack its usually a concealed handgun.

"then offering no comment on her bewildering decision to continue portraying herself as an idiot over the next 6 years."

"It was also really mean when SNL tricked me into going to that college just so Chevy Chase could make fun of me behind that Jeopardy desk."

"You need to at least pay for my kids' braces or something from all the money that you made off of pretending that you're me! My goodness, you capitalized on that! Can't you contribute a little bit? Jeez!"

If I ran into Tina Fey again today, I would say: "You need to at least pay for my kids' braces or something from all the money that you made off of pretending that you're me! My goodness, you capitalized on that! Can't you contribute a little bit? Jeez!"

I just assume I'm the one taking the picture. And, that we were all really drunk so that's why I don't remember being there.