"Rest in peace, Colleen Donaghy. You were 87 years young, 14 in demon years, and you went out of this world like you came into it: wearing a hat."

Damn, she was such a gem.

Look, Scott Disick deals with the Kardashians on a daily basis. If he wants a helipad in the backyard, I say let him. If he wants his own flight crew with monogramed "Lord Disick" uniforms, he can have it.

My cat just learned how to open doors so I'm basically a duchess, right?

Was it a cheesecake salad? Because if someone can wear a lettuce bikini, then we're clearly living in topsy-turvy-world and anything is possible.

Semi-related: I describe my kid as "like the raptors in Jurassic Park" — he's studying and finding weaknesses to exploit. He could open child-proof bottles before he was one. Those plastic covers for plugs? He just pulls them out. We have these chord loop doohickeys that wrap around two knobs and you tighten it down…

We should instantly become roommates in Miami and eat lots of cheesecake because I don't get it either. Although I will acknowledge that purplish blue hair is a 1/2 step above that terrible gray-purple hair.

Courtney Stodden feasted upon a vegetarian hot dog while clad in a lettuce bikini...

It speaks volumes that Kris can't understand why someone with money who loves the beach, paddle boarding and laid-back things would rather live on the beach in Malibu than in the valley within grabbing distance of her.

bruce is the ultimate lame dad. kind, good hearted, kinda bumbling, lame jokes, but truly loving.

Kris Jenner would change all of their names to Kardashian if she could. Bruce included.

I'm betting she's damn glad it isn't!

At what point does an heiress go from being the young, pretty rich girl that can do whatever she wants to the woman who's trying unsuccessfully to hold onto her ridiculous youth because she has no future plan? I feel like Paris is firmly walking that line. She's getting a liiiiiiittle too old for these shenanigans.…

You guys get an A+ for social media engagement!

When he thinks he's alone he both exists and does not exist. Duh.

Have you invented anything that stops your husband from going behind your back and giving your cat treats? That's what I need.

Pyrax— your cat may actually be a simulation created by your mind.

Where does he know he is not allowed to go? He goes there.