"What's the big deal?" some people say. Liking the Bengals isn't addictive! It's a social thing! Lots of people do it! But I applaud Hawkins for taking a firm stance here. If I caught my child doing it in my home, I'd react the same way. I don't care what the studies say; Cincinnati Bengals fandom is a gateway to…

Not to sound racist, but Peyton is the biggest douchebag in the world.

In the interest of journalistic integrity, I heard it was a threesome and Lennay Kekua should have received photo credit.

Pepsi drinkers are terrible people with terrible tastes.

Coke Zero taste like ass. I'm perfectly happy drinking regular Coke. And all you Pepsi people are disgusting.

Aging Balls

he ends up all alone in a patch of grass, shaken and confused

It looks like he can actually see the headline and is super bummed about it

Anyone notice the classic, "Oh, I gotta re-tie my shoelaces." move? This isn't Drake's first airball.

Yes, that.

You know, it's not ebola that's ultimately going to kill us all. It's a lack of a common fucking sense.

As a lifetime Jets fan, I can say the Jets don't need any help losing. They do just fine on their own.

NICK FOLK: [attempts field goal]

IVE CLICKED YOU MULTIPLE TIMES AS HARD AS I POSSIBLY CAN SO FUCK YOU STUPID ARROW IM DONE I DONT EVEN WANT TO WATCH ANYMORE

If you don't swear at your pets at home, they're just going to learn those words on the street.

I mean, it's the Jets. The L was bound to come eventually.

Jets efforts to look rad and edgy:

Obviously, the error was made in Jets.

[frantically deletes draft for this Saturday]

Tommy's next piece on Deadspin will appear in 2018, when it is incontrovertibly proven that the "Brett Favre dick pic" was actually a photograph of a Rolo.