Holy shit. When I get texts from a weird number, I ask, "who's this?" and when they are not someone I know, I say, "wrong number, have a nice day" because I don't want to RUIN THE LIVES of people who cause me MINOR INCONVENIENCES.

Also bedroom toilet. Not feeling that combo.

I was not the prom type at all. I had no interest. I was sort of an outcast at school, one of those gothy girls who thinks she's special because she can recite Poe from memory. Yeah. I know.

I guarantee you that it's YouTube fighting back. Learning how to speak, gaining sentience. The hubris of man, thinking we could control it.

I shared this story not long ago on another post, but I'll share my rom-com prom story.

Thanks Burt, now I have this song stuck in my head.

Hall says the staff at the Cox Road Subway put marinara sauce on her pizza. She said she wanted pizza sauce instead.

With "Pizza Sauce" damnit, not this marinara bullshit.

Angry dogs show their teeth, if the little guy was pissed enough to prance around on his hind legs I imagine he was all teeth for two days as well.

He needs to go hat shopping with Raylan. Yum.

Doesn't hurt that he's also kind of a CowBabe.

My Gran was my matron of honor! She is my best friend and biggest supporter. So many people were initially surprised by my choice to have only my Gran stand beside me on my wedding day, but at the reception we both got many a teary eyed complement on our special relationship. Plus, there was zero wedding party drama.…

Oh god all the feels.

He already promised not to do it again. So like what is the big deal guys?

MADELEINE DAVIES, THIS IS ALEXIS NEIERS CALLING. I'M CALLING TO LET YOU KNOW HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN YOUR STORY.

Um, I'm grown and I was thinking I would rather fucking die than see my mom's lady bits with wee little me popping out.

I was going to make a Seventh Heaven joke, but I realize I'm only dating myself. Oh what the hell, I'll do it anyway:

I wish I could believe there wouldn't be a disturbing number of women willing to date him, I really do.