Kind of telling who he used as his examples: Leno, Larry the Cable Guy, himself. Guess he figured he'd invalidate his thesis if he mentioned Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, or Craig Ferguson.

I think when women say "I want a man who makes me laugh" they are not thinking about Gilbert Gottfried. I have never met anyone of any gender who finds him funny.

"I know the jewelry store's door was locked, and I know the alarm went off when I broke the window, and I heard it going off the entire time I was taking the jewelry, but I didn't think they were serious."

If you don't see the problem with going on a dating site, as opposed to something targeted to casual encounters, and leading with name, profession and specifics about your desire to fuck, I don't know what to do for you. You are the creep that people on here are complaining about. You are treating women on the…

I think I am always in the minority about this but as a meat eater anyway, why don't we use the hides and furs of the animals that we eat? It is less wasteful and i think kind of more respectful than just getting rid of a lot of the "waste." They are warm, likely available in large quantities and well, they look…

Hi, I'm just meeting you, so let's get the basics out there right now. My name is Jim, I'm a doctor, and I have a sexual fetish. A specific sexual fetish. Let's just get the details out there, right now, because I think you're cute and want you to fulfill my fetish. Do you think you're physically capable of…

To be fair, I assume you're an adult now, since you have a husband. Child and spousal support laws (as well as custody laws) are wildly, wildly wildly different than they were back in the day (even if that day was like 1989).

Giving kids to a mentally unstable mother just because she is a mother would, in California,…

The fact that specific men in your life had a bad experience with alimony/support payments is not a strong argument in favor of modifying the current neutral language of the law. It is an argument for getting better people in charge of applying said law. And it is certainly not an argument in favor of allowing the…

It's kind of blindingly obvious she's unfit, dude.

I think putting up a divider is generally the polite thing to do, as it signals to the person behind you that they may begin putting groceries on the conveyor belt. As in, here, let me make room for you.

I'm a manager in a grocery store, and I end up ringing sometimes. The dividers help us. Some customers are not good at grouping their items together on the belt. Other times we get distracted, or have to help bag. The belt moves on its own, so while we are looking away your groceries can appear to be part of another…

Dude. Always put up the divider. Do you know what happens to that nice gap on the automated belt? It gets sucked right away, the belt doesn't stop, and the checker keeps grabbing and scanning while you're looking at Enquirer headlines until you and the person getting extra groceries notices and it all has to be…

"They hurled a glass at her face. A heavy blunt object, which can shatter in sharp and pointy shards, was thrown at fast speed at her skull, eyes, throat. And the man who threw the glass at her had tattoos that identified him as a nazi, the group of people who support the murder of black people and queer people.

*taking out my "Smug and Indignant Reproductive Troll" BINGO card*

Director of American Hustle, David O. Russell groped his transgender niece, but was not charged due to "lack of evidence". Woody Allen is a confirmed pedophile. Not even mentioning fucking Roman Polanski. Here, let's ladle out honors and lifetime achievement awards.

My sil is trying to talk my husband and I out of purchasing a particular new car because "I don't think you can fit a stroller and diaper bag in the trunk." All I can think is, "No, you couldn't fit a stroller and diaper bag in the trunk." I won't be buying a stroller the size of a Hummer, and a diaper bag that holds…

God, I hate that show so much. If I wanted to watch a group of obnoxious, oblivious self-adsorbed assholes living in New York, I'd just watch Friends re-runs.

Where did the impulse to write this piece of garbage come from? In a few poorly written paragraphs, the author manages to define four women in terms of characters they played over twenty years ago, lump two women into one insulting and unfounded metaphor (a pile of old rugs that chainsmokes and occasionally shouts out…

Agreed. But having spent several hours standing on top of a ladder cleaning dried egg off of my library's windows (Way to stick it to The Man, kids!), I would be completely down with Justin Bieber getting stuck with several hundred hours of community service. He sounds like the worst neighbor ever.

This article is a fart.