Right? It’s only ever bad when it’s directed at them.

It always seems to come back around to my sex tape. Yes, a sex tape that was made 13 years ago. 13 YEARS AGO. Literally that lonnng ago. And people still want to talk about it?!?!

Hot take: the only person who could pull those off is a Final Fantasy character and even then...probably not.

SIGH.

How I wish the producers could go back in time and cast Uzo Aduba. She’s such an incredible actress, can really sing, and looks a hell of a lot more like Ms. Simone.

There is precicely 0 chance of that Oscar not ending up in an orifice by the end of the week.

The good thing about Leo winning is now everyone will STFU about it. Tom Hardy is ten times the actor Leo will ever be. Leo has been in good movies, but he has zero range. He’s either freaking out, or being charming.

irl choking to death laughing

I hope ThreeSixMafia steps their game up and wins again next year to keep Leo on his toes.

I'm relieved Leo finally has as many Oscars as ThreeSixMafia.

Same on all three counts! I’m marrying Berlusconi because my ultimate life goal is to be a mafia wife. I know the P.C. police would have us believe not all Italians are mafiosi, but no one’s convincing me Berlusconi’s wife isn’t living that mafia wife lifestyle. Every time he left the house I’d shriek, “Run! Run to…

Emma, I want you to know I thought about this question a lot. Here’s what I came up with.

Ross Geller of the hip hop world.

Lol whut?

I’d probably give away all of my eggs to get the chance to fuck Trudeau.

This is what I imagine being married to Donald Trump to be like: you get your own separate bedroom and he’s gone a whole bunch. You have a bunch of servants and a hot personal trainer/fuck toy to keep you in acceptable physical condition while Donnie’s out of town on business. You can do LITERALLY WHATEVER THE FUCK…

Fuck Rubio, he is by FAR the least offensive candidate physically. Marry Trump (gotta get that paper), kill Cruz (IF THAT’S EVEN POSSIBLE).

Fuck, marry, kill: Trump, Harper, Berlusconi?

If you gangbang Cruz, Rubio, Carson, and Trump and they all drop out, you get your face carved in Mount Rushmore.

No question in the history of my life has made me happier to be Canadian.