I'm much, much, much more concerned with our bloated military budget than I'll ever be with social program fraud.

Robert Pattinson is trying to kill me. STOP. IT.

Plus the shirt has no collar which makes the presence of the tie even worse.

Every time I see the name Taylor Kinney, my mind goes to Kerri Kenney. I prefer my alternate universe where Lady GaGa marries Deputy Trudy Wiegel.

I don't approve of this Common/Serena Williams news, because that means he cannot be my boyfriend. And we all know that's entirely unacceptable.

Because she won an Oscar in her first movie role, is gracious and intelligent in all dealings with media, and because... well, she's so gorgeous it almost hurts to look at her.

I think the question is: Who would Amal Clooney absolutely NOT want as an intern?

So basically Jared Leto is being rude to lovely Lupita. I really don't like him right now.

I mean, she's just so out of his league.

Lupita... I know he's got the "sexy hipster Jesus" thing going for him... But IT'S A TRAP.

dat is one cute face

People are always telling me my cat is fat, and I am always honestly replying that he's mostly just big-boned (mostly because he is, after all, a housecat and he's always had a little belly that swings when he runs). Once, when I said this, a super bitchy former friend of mine said, "God, I feel sorry for your future…

I try to follow a regimented feeding schedule with my cat but she screams at me so much I give her snacks just to shut her up. This is probably a bad sign for my future human-child parenting skills.

If this extends past food, then my child will be ruthlessly teased and called a "weirdo" for doing mundane but silly things.

Me as a parent:

am I the only one who kind of thought Benicio Del Toro kind of look like a 48 year old man 10 years ago. I mean I still would have. But the man never really looked like he moisturized.

No. NO. NOOOOO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

and I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever about the fact that I will probably not see my 60th birthday.

I don't even pretend I'm eating healthy when I go to Qdoba (same thing, right?) I start off ok, with the veggie bowl, but then it becomes, "yeah sour cream and guacamole and queso and maybe let me just come back there and shovel fistfuls of shredded cheese directly into my mouth since I'm paying 10 fucking dollars for…