If there’s a correct usage of Stay Woke shoot me in the damn head.

k

You sonned him!

Tom had the greatest Twitter burn of all time:

“2 outs, bottom of the 9th in young Scotty’s life”

I moved to Seattle for school about 5 years ago from Oakland (raiders?) and my god will nobody shut up about Seahawks here. It’s definitely a case of non-football fans bandwagoning when we start winning. I hear all kinds of people who clearly have no idea what the rules are arguing about football all the time. All day…

I had nothing against them until recently, but damn the “12s” thing is just so goddamn obnoxious. The Maude Flanders-style letter writing is just the icing on that particular shitcake; this year with the Cam thing, and last year some screeching fishwife wrote a similar letter after Edelman punched a Richard Sherman…

Is it just me or do Seahawks fans remind you of people who came into money quickly, only to discover they can’t handle being rich?

i don’t think you should trade one of the 12 best players in the NBA because NBA Twitter thinks your continued existence as the 4th best team in the Conference is stupid.

Axis And Allies, Civilization before we had computers.

An embarrassing percentage of my youth was spent on week-long campaigns of Axis & Allies. The kind where Germany ends up with so many fighters you had to use pennies to represent 10 of them, while the UK stockpiled bombers in the same manner. Just two huge towers of aircraft amassing in Europe while you fight over…

THE HAT IS CLEARLY THE BEST.

If it turns out that Blake has hand cancer, we’ll know for sure.

Explains timing of Josh Smith trade!*

Josh Smith, a guy with multiple locker room altercations already this year, gets traded for nothing. A few days later we learned that Blake broke his hand in an “undisclosed team-related incident.” I bet the two are related.

Tetrahydrocannabinol. It’s the chemical in marijuana that gets you high.

To be fair, Ricky Rubio does incredible things every night as well. I mean did you ever think it was possible to shatter a backboard from a bricked 20 foot jump shot?

Remember that other time the Timberwolves took a point guard not named “Stephen Curry”?

Remember that time the Timberwolves took a point guard not named “Stephen Curry”?

Sure, his hand might have grazed his opponent's crotch, but there's a vas deferens between that and an actual shot to the junk.