Then you need to get the hell out because fashion doesn't have room for non conforming body shapes! I kid.....tunics are your best friend.

MOM, GET OFF THE INTERNET... GOD YOU ALWAYS EMBARRASS ME.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I love high waisted pants. Fuck you muffin top. It's over!

What is predicted when your cat is licking his scrotum? Because we're in for a LOT of that.

Miley Cyrus put a fan's thong in her mouth after it was thrown on stage.

I'd hit that.

Good for those defensive linemen. When my wife's in the red zone I usually stay the fuck away from her.

Big whoop. My wife's been carrying my balls for years.

Oh my god, I can't. I know running is great for you and I have massive respect for anyone who can run a marathon, but I would need to be chased by zombies or a t-rex or a zombie t-rex to run anywhere. And even then I'd still seriously consider just letting the zombie t-rex kill and eat me because surely it would just…

Yeah, my ex would always wake up with his boner against my butt, decide to wake me up, too, and then whine DOOO MEEEE~ without any sort of foreplay. I gave in only about 1/3 of the time.
The other 2/3s would just be me growling YOU HAVE TWO HANDS, MAKE EM WORK.
And then I'd go back to sleep while he jerked off.

(I'm sorry you have to think about me doing sex now.)

The Italics?

Of course, so soon after Valentine's Day, it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who can't finish.

Well, if you just think of gay people as...people...it all becomes clear.

What, doesn't everyone have a wide, flat penis?

I can understand their frustration. Last time I wore a rubber suit, lab testing said it was 99% effective. Now I've got a little shit running around the house calling me Dad.

Skating isn't the only event where Yevgeny Plushenko has a reputation for pulling out

Back when I was an athlete in high school and college, I NEVER had sex the night before a competition. Sadly, neither did I the night after. Or the one after that. Or the one...

Does sex affect athletic performance?

Homophobic people can fuck off whether or not or not being gay is a choice.