If you stand firm, the team will blink first.

Let's be honest, 70% of Congress could fold tomorrow + nobody would notice a difference w/ possible exception of increase in passed legislation.

I once spent a couple of hours calling a half dozen vendors using a rotary phone. If I hadn't used a pencil I might have developed blisters.

Worst Day DUAN:Work Edition

Not bad, thanks. A lovely March to you and your underlings, Tommy.

Science is amazing...who knew we could train chipmunks to figure skate.

I saw the interstates being built. It wasn't as exciting as the 1980 hockey team.

If I had any photoshop skills at all there would be a banana peel incorporated into this, asap.

I'm pretty sure that he was racing some friends up the entire Atlantic Coast, trying to get to ME first.

Man: [sits down to eat]

What a pussy. What a fuckin' pussy.

Every fantasy owner currently:

Just put the baby to bed. Now they're making me watch "The Voice" or some fuckawful thing. With Carson Daly. Who am I? How is this my family? And why the HELL didn't I bake myself some pot brownies?

Hey! You know what the fuck I hate? When fucking relatives won't notice their fucking older kids taking all my 2 year old's fucking toys away from him so that he does nothing but fucking cry all fucking day and I have to play parent to their little pieces of shit while they sit at the fucking dinner table and drink…

Pretty sure he's talking about being on the Knicks and he just misspelled "garbage."

As you know, your Kinja blog will upgrade to our latest design on October 18 at 6AM EDT. To ensure that all of your posting history is carried forward, please recommend this post. Failing to do so will result in the deletion of your account at the time of the upgrade. I agree that it is a stupid and pointless…

That "I don't pay attention to that stuff — I'm here to coach our current players" line is quite a head-in-the-sand response. It'll come in handy anytime something is amiss at Alabama (which is not unique to the Tide, of course).

Doesn't seem as likely that he was "hacked" back in April anymore...