I don’t even have to see the autoplay videos because I’ve fixed my browser. But I just locked my work computer and a notification is on the screensaver about the thing playing, with an option to pause.

Deadspin’s bosses, turn this ridiculous shit off, it’s not making you money and it’s pissing off all your readers…

PLEASE INFORM SOMEONE TO TURN OFF THE DAMN AUTOPLAYING VIDEOS

Floyd’s Owner: I-I-I never thought I’d survive. I totally screwed the pooch here.

I hope that NFL players take note of the lack of empathy people have shown Andrew Luck during this entire process. Don’t feel guilty about hold-outs for more money. Get as much money as you can and get the hell out before it becomes a detriment to your health. 

This not a celebration of his death. It is a mourning that he will not be here to face the consequences of his existence.

*tips hat*
“M’Brady.”
*mansplains something*

C.B. Phone Home.

No, that’s a bitch move.  

“Behind every great man in a fight, is his girlfriend squawking like a crow with laryngitis.”

Yang is a wank. However Geo-engeneering is not a bad idea and would be far more actionable than crying. I dunno about the merits of mirrors but I read an article a while ago stating that a colony of windmill powered water pumps could resheet the caps at a cost of about 10 billion a year. It doesn’t fix the warming…

I stepped on a crack and now my mother is a paraplegic and we can't put her in a home because of the opioid addiction and the fact that she cheats at cards. 

Thomas’s middle finger wasn’t all that hard to interpret

This is a big reason why any movement to do anything about this problem seems so difficult in society. We have abusers in the police and judicial system in charge of enforcing and enacting laws. We have abusers in the media reporting on high profile cases and allegations. We have abusers in our religious organizations…

Holy fuck! It’s way worse than I thought. He lost most of his legs and torso too!

At least he’s not Vietnamese

“I think the saddest part in all of this is we’re talking about a 7-year-old baseball game,” police spokesman John Romero told KDVR.

Oscar Pistorius competed in the Olympics. And that guy has NO calves. 

This is why it’s best to just kidnap your heroes and keep them locked in your basement. After a couple of weeks of them stewing in their own shit they don’t look nearly as impressive and you can really relax and just be yourself around them.