The Cards kicking the Cubs out of the playoffs will be especially sweet.

Comic. Fucking. Sans

There was only one time I ever would’ve straight refused to get a customer what they ordered, and that time was the legendary day when one restaurant I was working at had “French Onion Cheddar” as the soup of the day. It was literally onion soup with nacho cheese in it. At the morning lineup, I was the only server…

“What sense any of this makes is beyond us, but listen for yourself:”

Are you Dominican, by any chance?..

I was annoyed long before it started and decided to completely sit this out. So I appreciate the updates!

It would be a hell of a catch if you guys can secure it.

Pretty dumb joke as Deadspin is owned by Gawker Media. Hinkie can't actually trade the Deadspin writers.

A friend of my cousin's made $54,000 for one week of work. Want to see how? Follow the link.

2014: The Year Of Captain Toad.

But in this image I can still see her *Dark Pit.*

I'm guessing it's that horrible feeling when seaweed brushes against your feet and for a moment you think it's a swarm of piranhas. Off the coast of Devon. Don't judge me.

That's not the full email—the rest is boring stuff about family news—but I did not make it up. My dad has very hot sports takes.

It even has a dumb-as-hell name. Redberry would have been fine.

Hunter Pence gathers

i think you mean "patty larceny"

Good article. A lot of people don't understand that Odd Future is mocking the conformity and empty cliches of rap with this shit. I understand the comments you are going to get on this, people seem to enjoy looking down on things they don't understand, it makes them feel superior in a sad and not very lasting way. …

I apologize for hurting you. I did not mean too. It's just that I love Miracle Whip so very much. And Spam. Also, Vienna sausages. I'm sorry. I realize how horrible this all sounds.

So an AC problem leads to an A/C problem? Thanks for keeping us current on this, Barry.

"Instead, it'll be in the winter, when temperatures rarely get out of the 70s."

I don't know why I even clicked on this. I knew it would just make me angry; it's not like I need a reminder that intolerant idiots exist. I'm glad this post exists, though, because these people should be shamed publicly.