You guys are awesome. It is not hyperbole to say that this site often gets me through the day. Keep up the good work, and for the love of god do not stick to sports.

He was in poor health at 93 years old and Cinder took full advantage, gaining quite a bit of weight (as you can see!)

Sorry, there’s no way you can justify rooting for the umpires after this.

New rule to fix onside kicks:

how about adding Deputy AG Sally Yates that Trump fired 10-days into his admin ... for fucking horseshit “insubordination”?

Intercessions are absolutely a key to this matchup. Whoever wins the turnover battle, wins the game.

Pheidippides tears down the “Do More With Less” poster in his office cubicumulus

Man, imagine how many mph you'd have to run to do a one hour marathon. Someone will have to do the math for me on that. 

 7 minute abs...

I like your style, I also think the 1-minute mile is the most elusive short distance running barrier

If you're extremely kind and an awesomely polite competitor can you be hit with a Sportsmanlike Reward? Where you get an automatic first down and fifteen additional yards?

Me and this guy share 99.9% of our DNA. It took me two hours to get out of bed.

right? even if they reached for your gun, you CLEARLY still have it

Seriously, she shot her twice in the back as she was fleeing because she feared having her gun taken??

San Francisco Warriors?

I’ll be dead in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Detroit instead of Fort Wayne for the Pistons.

Los Angeles Angels oF Anaheim.

Toronto Maple Leafs?

We can only guess as to whether these mold pigs would have possessed similar powers.

He’s going to get plunked in batting practice tomorrow.