It's legit! If you zoom in and enhance, you can see the ball is dislodged from the receiver's grip by his enormous boner.

I saw them open for Regular Clown Posse.

You're right, that is a good solution, but eventually it may not be necessary because peoples tastes do change. If you've seen someone suck the head of a crawfish, also regionally known as a "mudbug," then you know that there is nothing especially gross about an insect (legs, exoskeletons, goopy insides) that people…

If you put it in your mouth and chew it, it will be both crushed up and hidden in something. Problem solved!

He has escape-ability. Also, I would argue that he has just as many stats now as he did in his rookie year.

Get a brain, Gordans!

Yards themselves are pretty worthless. The universe is constantly expanding, so a 2014 yard is probably bigger than a 1975 yard or something. Whatever, I'm no physics nerd.

Agreed, you should have to pass a test to be able to claim that as your name. I bet he can't even do a kick-flip.

That's funny, last time I checked Deadspin wasn't a RADIO BLOG! By which I mean a site for stories and discussions about RADIO STUFF! (As opposed to a blog that I could listen to on the radio, which I would be fine with.) I wouldn't have even rewarded this article with my readership and commentary, but when I saw the…

Sean Rad? Whitney Wolfe? Not to be reductive and dismiss the real issues involved in this story, but I suspect those are made up names.

"The Harvard Method: how to safely practice anal sex when your endowment is unbelievably huge."

It was probably just a lot of, "Phone call for Junior Ficker!" and "What do you think of that, Son!"

I watched part of his post-game interview after the opener, and the reporter asked how he felt to be so highly regarded going into this season (sleeper MVP candidate, #3 espn rank, etc), and his response was exactly what you'd hope. He basically said "I'm honored by it of course, but it's crazy to lump me in with…

That was a medium-sized balls dance, at most. As such, both the fine and the props Martin gets for it should be reduced by half.

It's elaborate performance art. In a few weeks, Byron Scott will pull his mask off to reveal that it has been Shia Labeouf all along!

That is always a boss move, and doing it after a play like this would make him an everlasting legend.

Maybe they took advantage of the fact that no one in the Big "Ten" can actually count to ten?

That's actually a very powerful, classic defensive formation. Byron Scott is super old-school.

Then my joke is hereby officially retracted!

Huh. I didn't know Rosie married a woman named "Thursday."