But without a camera crew, we'd have no way to know if it was easier. Maybe we could put a GoPro on the squirrel!

On an unrelated note, if this comment has any readers who know the outcome of the Nov. 14, 1977, Monday Night Football game between the Cardinals and Cowboys, email me (tips@spunkyfoonerism.com) and I'll cut you in on some sweet Deadspin tip money.

No, but I can tell you who won...

I think they're trying to find evidence of racist Cardinals fans.

Are there any crewmembers of Access Hollywood who have access to some axes and some holly wood? Email us: woodworking@deadspin.com

Good point, it would be better to analyze it like a survivorship curve - everybody makes it to age zero (9 innings), but there is a diminishing probability of a game surviving into the each successive time interval.

Mine skews left, how 'bout you?

That's nothing to scoff at! There are throngs of people across this nation who would kill to have a solid number 2.

I guess you'd have to fight over the single knife. Ooh, but what if you and your wife want to have a knife fight!? You'd definitely need two for that.

I guess you'd have to fight over the single knife. Ooh, but what if you and your wife want to have a knife fight!?…

I bought a similar set of knives a few weeks ago, and while they are unsettlingly light in the hand, they are as sharp as advertised. In fact, even the back of the knife is sharp! I was bearing down with my index finger to get leverage on the back of the large knife, and the squared-off edges make such a perfect and…

I bought a similar set of knives a few weeks ago, and while they are unsettlingly light in the hand, they are as…

I think we should stick to joking about topics that are literally offensive to nobody. Our jokes and conversations should reflect our fear of upsetting volatile, sensitive people who have extreme, fringe viewpoints. And if we ever lose sight of that, well, then the terrorists will have already won.

You saved me the trouble of posting this exact thing...

Get off the internet, Wilbon, you've had enough!

Yes, he was a marvel at football! Here's a randomly selected highlights clip, not to distract from the topic of how his own murder was instinctively blamed on him, but to celebrate how great he was as a player:

Not sure if Wilbon was working for ESPN in some capacity yet, but he was definitely still working for the Washington Post at the time. Not that this undercuts your point, really.

Branson: What do you mean, my airliner is pregnant?

Man, I love how when I close my eyes, or cover Chris Pratt up with something, he's still there even though I can't see him! Also, I think its totally hot how he occupies 3-dimensions and has mass, and nothing else can simultaneously occupy the same space as him. And don't get me started on how he tends to stay in…

Man's Life Ruined By Constant Erection, Unrelenting Orgasms

There are long, long videos of this owl/pussycat couple out there. I know because I've watched them. More than once.