She said that she probably got them from the Archie McPhee catalog. She also said that she still has about 30 of them, and offered to mail them to me if I need them. Moms are the best.

She is definitely the first one, and we're withholding judgement on the second one. Just to paint a clearer picture of who we are dealing with, when her first grandchild was born and we were asking what she'd want to be called as a new grandma, she decided on "Baba Yaga." I'll try to get more details on where she…

My friend used to do it at small roadside casinos in Nevada to pay for climbing trips. He said there are pretty simple systems that you can use (though he has a genius math brain, so take it with a grain of salt) and that if you don't win more than a couple hundred bucks and also don't come back to the same casino…

My mom once bought a bag of actual baby teeth. From a thrift shop I assume, but I didn't ask too many questions. I ain't tryin' to get hexed by my own mom!

If God didn't want us to eat thongs, why did He make them so delicious-looking? And why did He speak to me and tell me to pick it up and put it in my mouth? I think it is probably Satan who is spoiling that poor puppy's enjoyment of a nice thong by twisting it all up in his tummy. I guess what I'm trying to say…

Recent research has shown that upwards of 40% of all butts are actually mens' butts!

I find it a little unsettling to be stared at by so many cats.

In their cheek pouches, duh. Or they bury them and come back to find them during the winter. Or in a hole in the trunk of an oak tree.

Maybe the thief is a Robin Hood-style folk hero, who steals onions from fifth graders and gives them to... third graders? Thinking back to my early childhood, I distinctly remember those big arrogant fifth graders lording it over everyone about how many onions they had.

That looks really dangerous!

So how high is a basketball ring again, in metres?

It was a lot of work, but worth it in the end!

Likewise on the pet peeve, and I was mainly leery of the phrasing "highly venomous" because this is a room full of nopety-nope-nope spider-phobes who could interpret it as validating their fear- and smush-all-spiders lifestyles.

All spiders are venomous, but unless you are a tiny prey insect, they are not all "highly" venomous. So if you are a tiny insect, I say you are entitled to all the arachnophobia and trigger warnings you like. If you're a giant human being, there's really only a handful of spiders that are venomous enough to do more…

Haha

Better on your torso than inside it, I guess.

Out, damned spot! Out, I say! Fie, my lord, fie! A linebacker, and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account?—Yet who would have thought the old suit to have had so much blood in it.

"You can't fool all of the people, all of the time...

That elephant needs to stop trying to get on SportsCenter and develop a back-to-the-basket game. Also, its a good think you brought your trunk, Basketball Elephant, cause you're traveling like a mo-fo!