not "Bryce Harper wipes the Braves' A for them?"

You want to see stunned, you should see the faces of the women who don't realize they are lesbians until they say they don't want to sleep with me! (Just kidding, of course. I've never had that happen.)

I had a Legacy GT wagon that I loved, despite its many flaws. I decided to let it self-identify its gender. It never did.

Your dog probably has a name and a gender, and so does your horse. Go give your car a gender and name right now!

Or about the benefits of circumcision.

Ooof! I laughed, but I wish I hadn't.

Ok. We can team up...for now. So anyway, pecans are great, and walnuts make the roof of my mouth itch like crazy. There are several huge pecan trees near my house, and every couple years they rain free delicious treats down on the whole neighborhood! What's your best pecan story?

I'll conditionally join you, depending on how you pronounce it.

I wasn't aware the Orioles were considering moving, I'm really glad they didn't. That would have been tragic! I think you're exactly right that Angelos tried to be Steinbrenner without the bankroll to pull it off.

He just fell into the category of egomaniac owners who...well, what you said. Couldn't stomach managers who'd tell him "no." If that's changes, it's good to hear. (I've been out of town for a long while and haven't followed them closely/at all.) I'm happy the team is becoming compelling to watch again, if nothing…

As a childhood O's and 'skins fan, this same logic is how I can actively root against those teams. I don't want anything good to happen for such shitty people. It sucks for the fans when they are bad, but fans are tough, and can wait it out until the earth opens up and Snyder & Angelos are called directly home to…

yeah, when are you going to run an article about advanced metrics and data visualization for wwe!?

Hunter Pence bites into the middle of a burrito first.

Hunter Pence puts his mouth over the entire top of the bottle when he drinks.

Hunter Pence only knows how to make a fist because that's how he holds his fork and knife.

Hunter Pence gives his full attention to the in-flight crew during the safety demonstration.

Hunter Pence doesn't turn his turn-signal off.

Tofutti awaits the great who make mistakes!

I had a revelation recently, and this is probably the opportunity I've been waiting for to share it. If I were a little person, a woman, and a porn star, my stage name would be... ...Trixie Hobbitses.