It's like, "C'mon, Sun! You're too soft! All you do is set! Develop a rising game already!"

I always assumed that he carried the two cast-iron tubs and 50 gallons of water up the mountain using his rock-hard penis.

Must be nice, Richie Rich! I could have a popular cosplay website too, if I could afford sweet props like a broom and a plastic grocery bag.

Speaking as a privileged, insensitive white person, getting fingered is a often an argument for dropping my standards.

In the words of Jesus (my drywall guy): "Let he who has not publicly shat into a urinal while simultaneously vomiting on the floor cast the first stone."

I've known a few of those too, but that's not what I was talking about. In those cases, the wives turned to alcoholism instead of racism, but it was probably a coin-flip.

Hey now, I know lots of people who's husbands are exactly that gay, and none of those guys have turned to racism.

This raises a more disturbing question. If he's such a travel addict, shouldn't he love the NBA?

Hey, look, that's me! Don't worry though, I won't start big-timing everyone now that I'm famous. All I ask is that you not come up to ask for autographs when I'm out to dinner with my family.

It can be tough to find that perfect window of time. For instance, I recently called Air Florida to ask for a ticket to the 14th Street Bridge. Not only did nobody get the joke, Air Florida actually closed in 1984.

Come on, you know straw-men be making that assumption every day!

Try "Don't worry, after the first few mouthfuls of what I'm about to tell you, you'll barely notice the taste."

"With all due respect..."

My wife and I went to a marriage counselor, and it was great. I totally won!

I get where you're coming from, and you aren't wrong. But... by the same token "contrary to your belief, I made myself clear" sounds a lot like the battle cry of some bad explainers I've met.

If you asked Westbrook, I guess he'd say he had a good day.

Good work America! Everyone, turn and high-five your neighbor. OK...let me just check off "equality for women" ...now, who's next?

The ghost failed to block his shot, so I guess his ball fake was effective.

Sounds smart to me. If you don't want your pipe to freeze, just let it run at a constant trickle.

Gross! I hope not.