I’ll bring the fava beans!

Nah... Shirts.

Dang, that sucks. He can have my ACL if that would help. I’m definitely not using it.

The ITU cited a rule that penalizes athletes who cook up a “contrived tie situation,”

Joey Chestnut is a professional athlete...this guy was just an amateur.

Out of respect, all local Taco Bells have ordered their flags to be flown at half más

Wow. Usually it is their major league affiliate doing all the choking.

Your condoms have chinstraps? Kudos to you, big guy!

Your an idiot - Why, never in the Earth’s six-thousand-year history has there ever been a comment so dumb!

I’ve seen less errors in an Alabama “science” text book.

Fun fact; I’ve already hit 14 home runs against the Orioles this year. 

“Move the fuck on No Body Gives A fuck about You Or your problems”

Deep.

I can't believe how much he wanted to Schutt himself in the foot this offseason

Buzzedsaw

“Did somebody say ‘toast’?” - Rod Minegar, raising a glass

“The arresting officer said he was ‘full of piss and minegar.’”

A team spokesperson noted that, for the Cardinals this season, Minegar’s was but the first of many wasted drives.

And I’ve got a feeling he would play with no helmet — that’s how much he loves to play.

Uh, actually yes, fuck anyone who supports Trump. I’m..a bit surprised that requires any kind of clarification.