I am NOT a lousy butler.

Are you referring to his byline? That’s not really even a sentence, but it does the job for me.

I didn’t use it in vain, I used it as part of a joke.

Why would anyone in Phoenix take a fucking diuretic?? Jesus Christ, just walk outside

Every season should be Tacko Fall

Man how the mighty have fallen. I remember when the Greeks used to beat their own youth for fun, not just adult fans of opposing youth teams.

They are focused on the wrong thing — they should focus on the fact that Gase constantly sees dead people walking among the living, hence his appearance.

Having just KO’d Mayfield with a vicious spinning back-knuckle, OBJ awaits additional challengers in crane kick position.

Because he seems more the type of guy to pitch the early innings and run out of steam before then.

Nobody stays alive to keep watching the winningest team ever keep winning, I call bullshit. Your grandfather is alive just to cheer against that immigrant Altuve, i bet 

Lebron has for years been wearing special osmosis shoes that can actually penetrate the surface of whatever he is standing on up to about an inch and a half. It’s pretty common knowledge in NBA circles.

It is Alabama, so Croll and his friend are the same person.

“I’ll shoot yo ass in the fucking head before you walk out that door with my son.”

If you are represented by First Round Management, does that mean you need additional representation for ensuing rounds as well?

You’re a sports columnist for a mid-sized daily, aren’t you?

It’s......... Melania Trump

That first video shows Mayfield from the back. Clearly a handshake actor paid by Soros.

I heard that he had a great idea for a golf course where there are like bodies of water filled with snakes and crocodiles and great white sharks. And don’t even think about going off the course to get your ball when you hit it into the backyard from one of the community homes, you don’t want to know what they’ll do to…

I’m pretty sure you could if you wanted to. You’d just have to add a few minutes to your morning routine. Maybe wear pads instead of wrapping and taping every day.

At first I read this as “Boban Marjanovic Enjoys Fair State of Taxes,” and I thought, good for you, Boban. Way to pay your fair share, big man.