I realize the theatrics are part of the game and judging by reactions a football stud to the ankle is roughly on par with a sniper round to the back but Neymar’s writhing, recumbent samba had me clutching pearls and subconsciously guarding my huevos. My thoughts were not with Neymar but with humanity and specifically…

Right? The Earth should have been a disc.

The best part is when she fell through the ceiling. 

I’m sorry my description of five people being murdered was insufficiently cheery.

Can’t get in trouble if you are adding -er, -y or -s to a last name.

This guy gets it. I can watch dozens of guys shoot 67, not care about being in the rough or sand, and hit the ball 200 yards, make it hop once, and stop 4 feet from the pin every week. I like it when they get challenged a little.

Why did fucking your cousin seem to be the most relevant and illuminating contrast to you?

Nah, watching professional golfers fail is amazing, especially since it’s only once a year. If every tournament was like this it would suck, but making them look like me at my local muni is extremely satisfying for those of us who need a five iron to hit a shot the pros would use a pitching wedge on.

Phil Mickelson approves!

You know who’s super rich and is meeting world leaders? Mohammed Bin Salman.

“We have nothing to hide. We’re willing to co-operate in any way to solve this and figure it out, and prove that it wasn’t us.”

“and it’s 150 per cent that it’s not us”

can we agree that 19 is way too young to be a bus driver?

but the 1,000 fans planning to attend the event deserve better.

I have no idea when I got to bizarro world but here I am cheering for the Eagles since they beat the Patriots and pissed of trump.

Makes me glad to be an Eagles fan.

People walking around with Nazi tatoos, and then defend why they haven’t removed them, have definitely not repented and changed their ways.

“i used to be a nazi. i still am, but i used to too” -heinrich hedberg

At what point do evidence and actions silence words?

Here’s hoping she gets crushed at her next fight. Fuck outta here with that shit.