Call him tough if you want, but this soccer player sure looks like a pussy.

Fittingly, 'Kinja Users' are ignored.

It's as if someone put a New York Times headline above a crazy Facebook comment.

It's funny for a while—the costumes are right, and those Italian dudes are doing a good job at delivering their lines—

Dickson: [lies on ground]

I found the Jacksonville crowds to be incredibly lifelike in the game. There were always roughly four or five unique fans.

Oh, stop trying to make this some kind of weird racial thing. SI is just pointing out that he's a scrappy gym rat whose passion for the game, first-in-the-building-last-out-at-night dedication, and basketball smarts help him succeed even when surrounded by players with greater physical ability. His also being white is…

20,000 pennies. Back in the way back that would have been 60,000 sticks of Chum Gum. Do you know how many kids you could make happy with 60,000 sticks of Chum Gum? Well, not very many because kids are selfish little reptiles, but still.

You look down and see a tortoise, Melo. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, Melo. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that,…

Sabermetricians are having a field day with this guy. Sure, his WAR and BABIP are low, but his LDL is off the charts!

Loupe: IGUANA MULLIGAN!

This article doesn't make me want to watch MLS, but it did magically turn me into a lustful cockmonster.

an injured glove hand won't stop him from trying to catch on somewhere else.

All of this makes the idea of following the league just as offensive as it's always been.

This is exactly why I can't stand college football. Refuse to watch it. The route running? Puhlease. Watching a far superior Jaguars/Browns game in December is where you'll find me.

Because a guy doesn't need a tool to help him do what he needs to do. But a woman is safer using a vibrator, because with prolonged exposure to her acidic cloaca secretions, her fingers run the risk of irritation, necrosis, even death.

"He reminds me of me," Sidney Crosby said.

Don't you mean Jim 'Normcore' Harbaugh?

"Is Bryce Harper on stero-"

Not to get racial, but a lot of these execs are coming from homes where drinking is normalised and then they go to college and enter mostly white frats and drink a bunch. I don't want to say that white people are all alcoholics, but it does seem like something that activists in the white community might want to focus…