I can't imagine the trouble I'd be in if I got sued for something I wrote on Deadspin. I mean, how the fuck would I even find a lawyer?

You people don't shave your legs? Do you really think it's possible to get the perfect tan when the sun's rays are being blocked by all that hair? Besides, shaved legs make one feel especially pretty.

I, for one, am completely convinced by a sample size of 3 whole games.

Next you're going to say that doxxing a reporter for having the audacity to submit a public records request is out of line.

Well Burneko sure as fuck didn't learn how to write from his parents. Way to get right to the point, mom.

I always enjoy Miserable Shitehaw...Sometimes he takes the use of rarely used "big words" to a verbal masturbatory level.

"...so you can suck it, Royals baby."

I call Matt Mauck, who threw me my first preseason touchdown of my career 10 years ago and is now my dentist

Easiest fight in the world to win. Rob's got no defense to speak of.

Pennsylvania seems like a pretty OK state

don't let the doorknob hit you where the good lord split you. It is the NBA. It has, easily, the most diverse fan base (NFL hard second) and he thinks his problem is the "blacks?" WTF. Brooklyn does alright. LA (both teams) do alright. Fuck. The Pacers do alright. I bet their demographics are all within one standard…

Mark Richt has a pretty incredible story, surprised it's not been made a movie yet. He dropped out of school in the 3rd grade and has made it this far on grit and want-to.

Have you ever even been close to pure, single-minded joy?

Not Pictured, Patent Pending

Yeah, what the fuck kind of business owner cow tows to bacon complaints? Wouldn't you just use a car or truck, or at a minimum, some kind of goddamn oxen?

"Wish I could read this list"

Well, he is a kind of a football Pope - looking the other way while workers in Qatar get fucked in the ass.

Police Officer: Hello Mr. Allen, I'm calling to tell you that a truck registered in your name was found burned this morning.

This is not fair at all. Unfortunately, I can't declare bankruptcy after purchasing a ridiculous amount of alcohol, because I did it with money from student loans.

It makes it sound like a Hamilton suffered a psychotic break, rather than merely taking a break to clear his head.