alternate version of events: obvious sarcasm is obvious.

Whoa, clearly you're not reading the one true King James Bible because everyone knows it's not sluttiness that causes blindness, it's the constantly monthly abortions you get when you're on the pill. Sluttiness causes all the cancers. EVERYONE knows that, heathen.

This is correlation, not causation. I think it's pretty clear the actual causation is the fact that women on birth control are obviously huge sluts whom God then strikes down with blindness.

Just came here to say:

You are terrible. Never change.

Would a Viking funeral be culture appropriation?

You want to see Vikings in action? Go to Shetland in January for Up Helly Aa. They burn a boat and males in the town spend a year growing their beards for the Jarl Squad. It is a massive deal and everyone adopts a name like Sigurd Forktongue or the like. Much fun. Nobody dies ... yet. :)

And yet my book "Smash The Patriarchy Into 150 Types Of Guacamole" hasn't even gotten optioned. Hah-RUMPH.

Wow, that reminds me of my upcoming book 900 Dirty Socks Picked Up Off The Floor and Dining Room Chairs Are You Kidding Me Why Are They On The Chair That Is Gross, Kevin.

Oh, I'm sorry, did my yoga pants get in the way of your ASS?

The entire post is a fallacy. In the lede you refer to potatoes as a vegetable when, in fact, they are a tuber. I reject you premise, and I wish you good day.

2/10, would not bang.

Authorities wonder why we cheer on vigilantes from our computers.

I strongly disapprove of parents emotionally torturing their children for entertainment.

The average double-income household makes about the same as a single-income household did in the 70s. Create an economy where you don't need to be married to have any disposable income, and I'm sure the resulting rich singletons will be happy to spend it.

Humans don't desire other humans. They desire idols and believe themselves gods.

Hey gurl. Got a cask of Imountalady in my cellar. Hop-Frog on down and maybe you can William my Wilson. I'll give your heart a tale to tell.

"Stop Being Ageist About Sexting Because Olds Do It, Too"I certainly do not. I take a glass-plate collodion, develop it, make an 8x10 print on paper from it, and hand it over in person (or, in a pinch, have that sent by postal service). Sheesh, kids these days.

Bro,

Are you tired of feeding that pussy-assed chic milk that your Old Lady keeps bringing home to the kids? Do you want something a little more fucking macho? Then it's time you buy this: