I love my wife. And I will never, EVER, poop in her presence.*

I look forward to the gender-equalizing day when a woman can walk up to a man, look at his chest, and say "are those things real?"

For this dude, it wouldn't be weird, b/c he seems very misguided, and it's all weird.

People: commenting on the cost of the belt or the look of the belt is really not important. Stop. It would be the same as if I got arrested after I bought a $300 video card at Fry's just because of my ethnicity. There are plenty of things that we can judge people for spending $300 on if we're dicks.

I am personally offended that "buttsex" has fallen into the "lazy and entitled" category. Take it back.

This is giving me a case of the Olds.

Way to crush my dream, dude.

Please. She is wearing a badass red blazer.

My main takeaway from this article is that I can apparently make $15 per button if I opened a mending business catering exclusively to sad, useless kidults. SCORE.

You're not the boss of me, Erin.

Just to the fake husband's name.

What about your fake identities, do you have to change those to your husband's name?

for some people that's what they can afford. I know I can't afford 30+ dollars on salon shit. how about companies don't be dicks?

I will pay that first gentleman several tens of dollars to model his underpants in my house to assist in the wage gap.

They probably don't want the cool, rich older ladies who actually want a partner—-they want dudes who will just continue to use their service so they can bang young women. I've watched enough Millionaire Matchmaker!

I don't know what the fuck that is, but that's not a blackhead.

Time-lapse GIF of Patrick Stewart aging:

From the article:

Amy Williams is clearly already married to Rory.
In real life, run, sweetie.

as a dirty foreigner, can someone explain why you keep Texas in the union again?