Assistant: Yeah, coach, he’s going to New York to join those two towers they’ve got.

Ump: Inside corner, strike three! You’re out!

Currie: Down here, we have this joke. It goes, ‘hey, you must be from Knoxville, because you’re the only ten I see!’

I’d have figured he was more of a bourbon guy.

INBOX: [SPAM] Re: re: re: re: Greetings from Nigeria!

Damn, it really sucks that second place broke the record by 59 minutes and 55 seconds and got jack shit.

This sick fuck doesn’t deserve to be locked behind parallel bars.

Hey Aubrey, if the earth is only 6,000 years old, then how do you explain the existence of Jamie Moyer?

Barbaro: At least this colt only got cut when he got hurt.

It’s crazy how much tennis has changed in the last few years. Back then, even Caroline Wozniacki could avoid being subjected to an awkward, humiliating, on-stage ritual.

Anyone could have seen this coming. He’s being directed by a Snyder.

I thought Greg left to go work for the New York Post or something.

What if I told you...that Messi wasn’t the greatest. That the man with the magic feet...was a step too slow. That winning the Champions League...was not enough to make up the league in class between them.

You’re just being ignorant, Samer. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to pour one out for your fallen homies.

Not a huge surprise they settled. Cases like this only go to trial once in a black and blue moon.

Ah, sorry to hear you guys got laid off. I’m sure you’ll land on your feet.

On the flip side, Greg Norman got roughly 18 seconds with his last drives.

This is just like when USC made Reggie Bush take a rent-free apartment, car, summer home, meal money, private jet, mansion on the coast, Starbucks gift card, and a free pass from all his classes.

Well if a guy with a fucked up hand can start a 40 without falling on his face, then I imagine anyone could.

I’m sorry, how can we know for sure that Beijing has already “won” the 2022 Games? Their aerial skiers haven’t even been born yet!