when reached for comment, Borring’s estranged wife said, “Keller does things my ex wouldn’t, like eat my ass and let the kids watch.”

Judge: “Please approach the witness box.”

Holy shit I found something I hate even more than either of their comments.

That’s ridiculous, but why would you want to go listen to Greg Hardy speak anyway?

Great. Now we have to watch Missouri football again.

i know several women in confederate states who also would pick cousins over a black man

The only way you can get this guy to stop doing cool stuff on the basketball court is by making him change his name to Jay.

“OK, Vin. Today, we’re going to be taste-testing our delicious Cold Brew.”

so wait, the foreign kid was putting brains in jars in your kitchen?

... there came a tapping at the glass
and quothe the big bear:
“WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET SOME REAL GODDAMN WEIGHT MACHINES IN HERE AND CHRIST THE SMOOTHIE BARISTA ONLY SERVES UP RAW STEAKS, WHICH, FINE, WHATEVER, BUT LORD HOW ABOUT A BANANA EVERY NOW AND THEN?”

Guarantee that Rousey double shank legs Coerria right off of a rear choke helix. If Coerria lasts through all of that, I’d be surprised if Rousey doesn’t immediately force a Janckman’s Plexus on her and shatter her buttonhook. Coerria’s only shot is a quick, accurate Miranda’s Reversal into a hog-nosed bat tap. Once…

America’s 800-Meter Savior Has Finally Arrived

This was poorly thought out and a misdirected idea from the get go. Why you would choose to bury Ken Caminiti in centrefield to begin with, is beyond me.

Thanks for chiming in.

She'll get no sympathy from her roommate, the tiny violin player.

The moral of the story is: "don't throw scissors."

Yeah, Will's provincial side is showing here. He's right that the Heineken and Amstel sucks here, but it's good in the Netherlands, along with a ton of their other beers. Sometimes, you have to leave the bubble.

Dear Watt, I wrote you but you still ain't calling

I can understand why he likes Starbucks, though. According to them, he's a "tall."

So how did they decide which fan got that beer?