Also: more cat toys.

My cat and dog work together. The cat has learned how to open the pantry door. He jumps up on a shelf, chooses some tasty item which he then pushes off the shelf where the dog is waiting to tear it open and eat it. Teamwork folks. It’s a lesson for all humankind.

Neither one of my cats are much for knocking things over, but my girl kitty loves stealing things especially jewelry. She stole a diamond earring from a case ON my vanity. Didn’t give it back until I tore up my entire apartment. She also likes to find tampons and pads (unused) in my purse and then carry them around…

See I would believe this if my cats weren’t currently taking part in their “mad half hour” (running from one side of the house to the other as fast as physically possible) stopping every few laps or so to destroy the arm of my couch with their evil little claws, whilst staring me out, as if to say what are you going…

My mom came to stay with me once and was sleeping at night on a sleeping bag and pillow on the couch, which we folded up during the day, pillow on top. Mom thought it was hilarious that the cat freaked out every time she meowed at it. The cat, who had never done this before and hasn’t done it since, peed right in the…

I learned the hard way to not leave an open bottle of water in reach of the bed when mine tipped it over onto my head in the middle of the night.

Okay but why does my cat chew through Apple cords and Apple cords alone? White Amazon cord fine, white Jambox cord fine, every kind of Apple cord? TOAST. Is he a secret agent for Microsoft conditioning me to free myself from Apples proprietary products?

My asshole cat laughs in the face of spray bottles. 2 minutes later and she’s back at whatever she wasn’t supposed to be doing in the first place.

And then you accidentally drop a bread tie or plastic milk strip thing on the kitchen floor and they have the most fun ever for, like, HOURS. And you’re just sitting there wondering why you even buy them cat toys. My cat also loves stealing hair ties to the point where I practically have to keep them under lock and…

I personally think it’s possible that Beatrix T. Cattenborough is both handling her biological imperative AND being a dick.

This is Archer, named after Sterling Archer. He, too, has been known to go on a rampage. He enjoys knocking over my small living room wastebasket. One day I was sitting on the couch and caught him in the act. I told him ‘No!’. He looked at me from those calm blue eyes, slowly reached out a paw, and knocked the…

In my house, breakfast time for the cats is 7am, but one of them starts asking at about 5:30. If we ignore his meows, he’ll walk on our pillows and headbutt us in the face. If we roll over, he then stands on our chests and nips our fingertips or noses. If we hide under blankets, he starts knocking things off the…

#NotAllCats

Laptop for me...

Forget your ‘science’. This has always been my favorite sign:

A mouse once managed to get into my enclosed front porch. My two Siamese were out there. They screamed to be let in. I have never heard a cat scream in terror like that. When I opened the door to let them in, they had plastered themselves against it. I thought for sure it must have been a huge rat to get that…

My cat doesn’t knock things over that much. She would rather spit up or vomit on the one area in the house that has a rug. She also enjoys standing on the keyboard of my laptop.

I didn’t realize that I was feeling a little extra blue today until I read the comments on this article. Now I am laughing and feeling oh so much happier. It’s been awhile since there’s been a hilarious comments section. THANK YOU!

ooof, not surprised in the slightest.

FTFY, Kelly. Because this whole article convinced me its true.