No, but you should be putting ice in your Old Fashioneds, or any number of other cocktails that work well on a single big rock or sphere. Unless you're pretending it's the early 19th century and ice is not readily available.

No, but you should be putting ice in your Old Fashioneds, or any number of other cocktails that work well on a…

Gods, I wish we could have themes in iOS and get rid of that stark WHITE WHITE WHITE everywhere. And that horrendous white-text-on-bright-blue-or-green-background foisted upon us with iMessage. This is something Android certainly has over iOS.

(To head off comments at the pass, I'm a Mac user heavily invested in the…

"One of the very worst people walking this earth"? How many people has he tortured and killed? #bitofhyperbolethere

Last night I steamed 12 ounces of broccoli florets, and whisked up a sauce with a heaping tablespoon of softened butter, a heaping tablespoon of whole grain mustard, a tablespoon of 2:1 turbinado sugar syrup, a pinch of smoked hot paprika, s&p and a little water to thin. Tossed with the hot broccoli. IT WAS DELICIOUS!

Unfortunately, Apple still seems to think that white text on bright blue and green backgrounds is a good idea and good design as opposed to physically painful to look at. Which it is.

I have to say I'm skeptical that people like me, who fly maybe four or five times a year, are going to be given anything for free by the airlines. We are the passengers that they literally don't give a shit about. When I fly I generally I dress in clean, comfortable, hole-free jeans and a button-up shirt — not a suit,…

The jackass author of that article apparently thinks this is still the 1950s and he's on a Pan Am Clipper. As long as I have a decent amount of legroom and buttroom (and even if I don't), you can wear a tank top, a sarong, a burqa or a goddamn gorilla suit for all I care, as long as you don't stink and you're…

I hate perfume, nail polish, excessively smelly deodorant and all that crap on planes. I must confess, however, that I have been known to unwrap a muffuletta sandwich mid-flight. (Too bad.)

They should serve that sauce sauce at The La Brea Tar Pits; i.e., The The Tar Tar Pits.

If your first scenario were to be true, then in my brainz Joe Pesci would come back later that night and beat Guy Fieri to death with a baseball bat, and on the soundtrack would be Dean Martin singing "Arrivaderci Roma."

Yelp is Evil.

I know an owner/manager who's the nicest, kindest, most generous guy in the world — but he doesn't take any shit from anyone, especially customers who are abusive to his staff. I've seen him give this kind of response to asshole customers: "You want your meal comped? Get the fuck out of my restaurant and never come…

Glurg. I figured something like that was going to be the story, but I'm still sorry I asked. Actually it did come through, but for some reason my version of the page wasn't showing it. Thanks.

And Waze pronounces the city in which I live as "Los An-je-LESS." Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot?

I grew up in New Orleans and until I was an adult only ever had instant grits made with water (which are pretty awful). As a kid I expressed a preference for hash browns over grits; my Mobile-born grandmother looked at me with scorn and spat the words, "That's Yankee!"

When I grew up I discovered stone-ground grits,…

YES. Pit dug below window. Trap door. weight-triggered. Alligators at the bottom. Or if you can't get alligators, maybe punji stakes.

It's no more an offense than the way that Irish whiskey is so often consumed in Ireland — mixed with fizzy red lemonade (although I think Paddy is generally the whiskey of choice in that combo; "Paddy and red" was the typical order). Jameson is nicer than Paddy but still not super expensive. Now, using the 12- or…

Does that include asking for "brush-SHET-ta" when you want "broo-SKET-ta?" I think it does, but people have argued with me on this. If it's okay to say brush-SHET-ta then it's also okay to say la-SAG-nee and SPAG-uh-tee and LING-wine.

It's actually spelled "Nahuatl." I am That Even Worse Person, Who Should Be Beaten With Nerf Bats and Banished to a Dessert Island. (At least I get to have desserts in my exile.)