Because there aren't any serious music critics or hell even enthnographers who would argue that rap is one of the most important cultural creations of the past 50 years in America.

Oh shit, son: A scenario where the Red Sox fans actually are underdogs? Won't that increase their bitchiness exponentially, and propel them past the Sunday buffet crowd? #schrodingersbitches

Rest of the country's response:

"Stanford Bridge in England, and I say that as someone who used to have tickets at the Bridge"

Shit-tier Gawker Contributors, Ranked:

His previous book ("Bullpen Gospels") is fucking terrible for all the reasons you would suspect: tedious, whiney anecdotes that aimlessly reminisce about glory days of yore, dipped in a thick candy-coat of hyperbole and condescension.

DAAARRREEEN SHOPPA - ONE OF DA HARDEST HITTIN RAPISTS IN DA LEAGUE

Starting Yosemite Sam at center. Interesting choice.

Hearing white dudes wax philosophical to other white dudes about how hypothetical black people should react to hypothetical racism never gets old.

He's saying people in Wisconsin are fat (which they are.)

No mention of the 30 For 30 doc? FOR SHAME.

I know, right? Stern will NEVER be able to reclaim your demographic from the WNBA if he doesn't put an end to this showboating.

I know, right? Who would even dare to enshrine Craig Biggio in the same Hall of Fame as Bill-fucking-Mazeroski.

Yeah, but it's Texas - there's like a 90% chance they only scored 10 times, and are claiming that the other 992 points were put in the books by intelligent design.

Full-Time DH Finishes Hardware-Less Career Well Behind Other Hitters of Era; Dozens of Seattle Fans Outraged at HoF Snub

I was seriously cackling as I read his story, just knowing it's some uptight, suburbanite dad rocking crocs and jean shorts, pondering the quality of the $12 haircut he just received.

From the customer Q&A:
"My three year old son insists on watching Dyson Channel Youtube videos daily & can name all the mechanical parts. He was absolutely crazy about this toy the evening it arrived, I'd never seen his eyes light up quite so much over a toy."

Ah, the Slip 'n Slide - the shitty plaything inexplicably remembered as being better than it actually was.

Ass-pained Jezebel slacktivists are - by far - the most entertaining breed of the modern Internet faux-justice police.