Never have I ever been so glad to have eyes that work. Eesh.

Wow. She sounds...interesting? Fun at parties? I don't know how to react to that mess. How did you find that?

Also, what even is that title picture? What strange dark corner of the internet did you find this in?

Oh I have so many shark week stories.

Sometimes fresh period goop is brown though. Like before it even exits anywhere fresh.

I did the same thing with the cardboard applicator!!! My aunt took me to the beach and I had to go up behind the car every 15 minutes or so and change it out. I couldn't figure out why people even use these awful things if they don't even work for that long. My sister told me later how they're supposed to function…

Every time I try to put on makeup (which is literally only for fancy things like weddings and funerals) I end up looking like a drag queen/sad clown crossover. Good thing my sister is around to bail me out.

That's my coping method too.

It's actually pretty common to refer to a transmission as a tranny. It still throws me off.

when I was working at Starbucks there was a creepy dude who would leave jesus books in the bathroom. We started collecting them. My favorite one was about dinosaurs.

Trendy teenage girls in yoga pants with an iPhone 5 and infinity tattoos?

So basically, wake up 2 hours before you need to leave for work in the morning and do all the things. Right. I'm just gonna stick with my current system of staying in bed till the last possible second and scrambling out the door to get to work on time.

My god that's horrific. I can't believe someone would believe something so obviously harmful and flat out false. I'm gonna go hug my cat to feel better...

Ah shit, he owes me one.

Also, at first I thought the video was filmed by a GoPro strapped to some poor sucker's head wading through the sewers. But it's just a bot. I hope.

That is some Ghostbusters level shit right there. Fucking gross.

The original one is near me in Quincy!

Good thing too. Gonna need something to sop up all that grease.

Um, is that a folded microfiber towel? I think it's supposed to be eggs...

I've been thinking fetuses are basically parasites ever since I figured out what they are.