You have never been in a paddle boat with my perpetually drunken and ditzy aunt. That is not dull in the least.

Sneaky Lockheed. This operation is probably much cheaper than lobbyists.

Loved this part from the Vice article: "Trespassing in the Baltic Sea isn't the only strange behavior Russia has exhibited lately. [...] Russian jets have been showing off their weapons by exposing their undercarriages when approaching Swedish aircraft."

Say what you will about Bristol, at least she listed the danger to her five year old before whining about her $300 dollar sunglasses.

Most men of my acquaintance side step the problem of cleaning up their standing piss collateral damage by replying on the women in their life to do all the cleaning.

Douchecamels?

School shootings are equivalent to abortion in their arguments? Just... just stop the planet. I want to get off this ride. The lack of logic from my fellow planetary passengers is giving me heart palpitations.

Don't forget figure skating.

Bill Maher, is that really you?

My spouse is an odd variation of the home-only pooper. He can also poop comfortably in the deep woods when we go camping/hiking. Stalls stymie him but wildlife is no big deal apparently.

Er... Well you just meet a hoverpisser who doesn't lie about pissing on the seat. Me. I lift the seat, just like a dude would, so I piss directly over the bowl.

Happily, I live on the other side of continent.

For your nope collection, courtesy of Jalopnik.

It is never too late. For my thirtieth birthday my mother and spouse organized the Lisa Frank/ My little pony party that my 11 year old self pined for. Don't give up the dream now!

Is he color blind? Or just plain blind?

"I KNEW unicorns were creeps!!"

Personally I'm my thirty year old self is holding out for a LF bedspread on which orcas frolic in a rainbow filled seascape. Thus I shall never judge another grown human's technicolor cat comforter.

Amen to love and terror. My older sister's personality is 95% Jillian Michael's and 5% Bob Villa. Even though I object to The Biggest Loser show on principal, I used to watch it when I lived out of state and was homesick for that particular brand of charmingly sadistic cheerleading.

Thank you! What is my prize? A new car? A free trip to a therapist? Getting out of the grays? (Actually, had I known people would actually find my post in the hinterlands of the grays, I would have edited for typos. Sorry about that)

My mama always told me everything happens for a reason because God had a plan. Apparently it was God's plan for me to fuck a clown fanatic so that I may someday bring laughter to you, dear reader. God is wierd like that.