We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my…

I hope the family as the expressed written consent of MLB to replay that video to friends.

If they could have just waited a few years to make the transfer of power, we'd likely be seeing Johnny Manziel handing off to Adrian Peterson for the 5-11 Cowboys.

Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that it’s fine if women want to focus on this aspect of La’el Collins’ life. I GET THAT. AND I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. But at the end of the day, I’m a football fan, and we want to see great players be great and that’s what I’m concerned with.

Then charged him for the salt.

Damn, Whitlock got put in a vacant.

Next Up: How To Spot If Your S/O Has In Fact Changed Her Hair.

People are going to go apeshit when she awards a first down for advancing 7.8 yards.

In Cleveland, denial really is just a river that doesn't catch fire.

Drew Magary: [walks the fuck right into the side of that car because some asshole won't get out of his way]

Consider how you are dressed.

"Sabathia says he'll be stronger if his body returns to its salad days."

I know that baseball has some dumb rules with regard to who gets to view what games and how, but I don't think this particular rule change needs to be universal. It really does have some benefits. For instance, have you ever tried to sit through a Mets game without blacking out?

I am a massive internet embarrassment

I thought it was offensive when the officials by the goal line kept making that same gesture in St. Louis today. Enough is enough.

So, let me get this straight: Missori cops want to punish black men for putting their hands up and saying "Don't shoot." Hrm.

Fitzpatrick: Bryan, give me two numbers from the 90s and Brady's going to multiply them together.

The idiots responsible for this should know better than to use unpaid staff at professional sporting events. It's college sports where you can get away with that sort of thing.

Bucs 2013: Staph infection