Incognito once recited the lyrics of "Closer" verbatim to Martin. Strangely, Incognito had never heard of the Nine Inch Nails song beforehand.

Well I guess this squashes the whole The Dolphins locker room is like every other locker room in the NFL thing.....

If you straighten out the paperclip, and stick it in the tiny hole on the West side of FirstEnergy Stadium, it will reset the Browns and they can start from scratch.

I was going to post this, but I had a mouth full of peanut butter.

One source says the other guy had been harassing Aaron nonstop.

NFL: "Nigger" is a bad word that drags us back to the days of slavery. Now step on this scale and run the 40 yard dash so we can measure your physical attributes and let rich white men decide where you get to live and work.

Jermaine O'Neal is so old that when he was drafted the Macarena was a hit, Mt. Dew cost a dollar, and the only way to see glorious pro athlete cock was to accidentally walk in to my aunt Tanya's room after a Reds roadtrip.

This story has inspired me, and on Valentine's Day no less. Tonight, when I finish 30 minutes ahead of my wife, I vow to stay awake and congratulate her perseverance.

Emergency Operator: Now, just to be clear, you're a man stuck in a shaft and not vice versa, correct?

In an ironic twist, the elevator actually has better bathroom facilities.

Pictured: The KGB-Sharps

Pictured: A man who squandered what seemed like limitless talent due to questionable decision making, who now, on his best days, can only summon a pale ghost of his former electrifying and raw power; also, Adam Jones.

OK, but it's unfair to make any other comparisons between a city with stray dogs and garbage in the streets, a useless public transportation system, a sewer system that spews shit every where...and Sochi.

If the NFL really cared about preventing 30,000 people from having a miserable time on a Sunday, they'd fold the Jaguars.

I SWEAR TO GOD I THOUGHT THE SAME THING. Amazing.

Who else saw this commercial live and waited for this article to pop up?

That hurts. The truth often does.

I hate to correct Jayson Stark, but like all prestigious awards the Nobel Peace Prize does not allow the fans to vote.

If you could put L on a P, Shea, there would be no reason for Citi Field.

Wow, after reading the article, one thing is for sure. I want Jayson Stark to write my resume. When he puts lipstick on a pig, that pig sure does look pretty.