If you're going to write about gross stuff (which I have no problem with, in theory) why can't it at least be relevant to women? Less semen-related stories and more stories about vaginal discharge for fucks sake.

You know that open-ended question you gals posed not long ago, asking readers what we'd like to read more of on Jezebel?

Not this.

Commando is the only way. I HATE wearing undies. Any kind are just horribly uncomfortable. I have been known to remove my chonies throughout the day when wearing a skirt or dress, just so I can have some freedom for a bit. FREE FLYING FOR LIFE.

This comment sits on the far side of insanity for just so many reasons. I want to star it and preserve it as some weird form of performance art.

I know you said you hate the golden dollars, but I've always kind of liked them. We hoard them throughout the year to take to the Ren Faire. It's always more fun to prance around in costume and pay with gold coins then paper money!

With any luck World War III will finally rid us of the thong.

Open Carry People:

Not to Godwin, but... guns, blue eyes, and blonde hair?

You know, that actually sounds like a makeshift Chicago-Style pizza. I wouldn't pay $60 for it, but I'd take a slice if offered.

I love telling bad customers 'no'. There's nothing like giving the dead eyes to someone that's freaking out over nothing. I want them to SEE how few fucks are given.

"our 10 oz. filet Mignon, cooked "Extra, extra, EXTRA well-done"

Not only that, but the customer apparently would specifically request 'hand-squeezing'. I'd rather search for a flag in a vat of Family Double Dare ooze than hand-squeeze the mayo out of someone's coleslaw.

"Hmm.. the special of the day is a B.L.T., you say? That sounds pretty good. Reminds me, my father always used to make a B.L.T. sandwich for lunch. I can still picture him standing over the sink in the kitchen eating one. If my father is somehow the one in the kitchen cooking these sandwiches YOU TELL THAT SON OF…

I used to have a regular customer who wanted a "dry latte." So... a latte with extra foam? No. A cappuccino? No. Here's what she wanted:

That's a brave invitation to put on one's body, especially above the back door!

It kind of seems like it might have the opposite effect than what she was going for. Like she's with someone and they go far enough for that person to see it, but they're so disgusted with her that they just pull their pants back on and leave. At least I hope that has happened.

My friend used to tell the following story: "One time I was about to fuck this girl, but she had a bunch of crabs tattooed above her pussy. So I didn't fuck her because how could you fuck a girl with crabs tattooed above her pussy?" Guess which part of that story he later admitted wasn't true? God love him.

What are the odds that the men who would actually fuck her know how to read?

Nooooooooooooo. That sounds just so noooooooooooo.You should see my face right now.